Why you Might be Having Trouble Getting Over him

No closure- This may possibly be one of the biggest reasons why getting over him is not so easy to do. You might have been the one to break if off with him. But if you felt as if you weren't given the opportunity to express how you felt, it can leave you feeling a bit cheated. Closure is especially important to women, maybe because we analyze everything. A part of being grown up and mature about a break up or separation, whatever kind it may be, is for each party to give the other the opportunity to put everything out on the table and discuss what each person is feeling. The key is to always be honest and to remember that he won't be your last love. I know sometimes we think because we were so in love with that person, that you can't have that again or something even better, you will be loved again and you will love again. You and your ex didn't work out for a reason, maybe it's because something better is out there for you.

The memories- It's hard to get someone out of your head who you cared about, but sitting around and thinking about them 24/7 will not help you to get over them. I know it's hard to shut your mind off, But you have control over your thoughts. Clear your mind, though it's not the worst thing to think about some of the good memories that you once shared, you have to learn to not dwell on them. Picturing him showing up at your door, or calling you and confessing his undying love for you will only keep you in a funk when it doesn't happen. If you know it's over, close the chapter and place it behind you.

Rejecting potential dates- Having a rebound relationship is not the best idea, you know when you are ready to get up and start dating again. Don't reject other men that could really be interested in you though. If the grieving period is longer than the actual relationship, something is wrong and you need to evaluate your issues. Take the time to get back up on your feet and give that guy a chance when the time is right. Don't date just as a pass time, do it beacuse you're ready to.

Keeping  yourself in a rut- The slobbing around the house, ignoring your friends calls and pleas to go out, months after you've broken up, will get you knowhere. You have to get out and find activities to do, keep yourself busy. Make new friends, hang out with your old friends. Find new and interesting things, do the things you loved, but neglected when you were with your ex. Get out and live your life. Listening to Adele's someone like you, will only make you think about him, listen to cheerful music, music that makes you wanna get up and dance and forget about your problems for a while.

Holding on to his stuff-  It can be hard letting go of his stuff that once held sentimental value and more than likely still do, but there comes a point when we have to let go. Sometimes we have to just delete the text messages, erase the numbers and move on. You need to get rid of his stuff, let go of the things that keep you tied to him. A part of moving on is letting go.

Talking about him- Constantly talking about him, I know it's hard to control, but you know when you're not completely over someone is when you constantly talk about them. It's a hard pill to swallow, because we so often try to convince ourselves and everyone around us that we're over it and he doesn't phase you anymore, but deep down you know he still does. The mind is a powerful thing, but you have to learn how to control it, you can't let it control you. We don't realize how much power we have in the ability to restrain ourselves from doing something we want not to do.

 

7 Things that Drive me Crazy about Men

1. Not putting the toilet seat down, need I say more. Have you ever woken up at 3 in the morning with all the lights off and expecting to have the toilet seat down, so you sit and wham straight in you fall. I mean there isn't a rule that says you have to put the toilet seat down, but it's common courtesy, the gentleman thing to do, unfortunately we have a small percentage of those left.

 2. Selective Texting- Men reply to texts they want to reply to. If you send a text wanting to discuss something they don't want to, they ignore it or they change the subject. When the tables are reversed though they get pissed off if you do this to them. Usually women are pretty good about replying to texts, especially if we like the person. I absolutely hate when my texts go ignored, then you hear some lame ass excuse like, oh snap, I didn't see this message and you're left thinking, you and your phone are siamese twins, how did you not see my text. You aint got to lie Craig, you aint got to lie.

3. Predictability- I really like spontaneity, if you call me everyday, text me everyday, I'm expecting it. I hate being able to expect what you're going to do. I like doing things on a whim, If I call you up and say, hey let's go sky-diving today, I want you to drop everything and go skydiving with me. It might be a little impulsive, but we all need to be a little impuslive every now and then.

4. Indecision- Can't take a man that's indecisive, leave that to me and I can be pretty decisive when I want to be. If we have to go back and forth about what you want to do, makes me wanna pull my hair out ( a bit dramatic, but it brings my point across). I like when a man is manly and takes charge. Don't leave it up to me to decide everything.

5. Not Passionate Enough- Passion is everything for me, A shy guy won't ever work for me. Granted I'm usually shy at the beggining when I meet someone, I don't know why, but I am until I get comfortable enough with you to open up.  Passion gives relationships excitement and jazz, lift me in the middle of the dance floor and kiss me, twirl me, dazzle me. I like someone that can open up to me, tell me all your deepest, darkest secrets, I wanna know everything you're feeling. Sweep me off my feet, knock my socks off, not too many people can do this, but if you manage to, I'm like icecream in your hands baby.

6. Jealousy- I'm an air sign, I don't know to what extent all that horoscope crap is true, but I can say, I absolutely love my freedom. One sure way to lose me, is if you smother me, instead of giving in, I lash out. This is probably one of my biggest pet peeves. If you get mad when I have to look at the guy at the fast food place to pay for my meal. It won't work. I mean a little jealousy can be cute, everybody gets jealous, if you didn't, you wouldn't be human, but extreme jealousy is unhealthy and a big problem, nobody should have to put up with it. It's not because he loves you and cares about you too much it's because he's insecure.

7. Lack of Ambition and Intelligence-  Having someone I can have an intellectual conversation with, is stimulating for me, If I can talk to you for hours on end, without getting bored, that's a sure way  to keep me interested. I get bored extremly easily, and I get over things easily. If you can keep me entertained and intrigued, You got me. Have you ever asked a guy what he wanted to do with his life, at say the age of 30 and he tells you he doesn't really know.Yeah, that's a major turn off for me, at that age you should atleast have an idea about what you want to do. I mean your 20's are your figuring out what you wanna do years, 30's are the years when you're establishing a career and your 40's are when you pay for everybody's drinks. If I'm working my ass off, I don't expect you to not be doing the same. No bueno




 

You Can't Stop Thinking about him: As soon as you do he Calls or Texts

You re-play the last time you saw each other in your mind, you think about the things you said, the way you felt. You wake up with him on your mind. You go to sleep with him on your mind.

You stalk his facebook page, don't act like you don't, you know you do, besides all women stalk to some degree.

Every song you hear reminds you of him, you know it's way too soon to be having these kind of feelings for him, but you can't help it. This is where it gets dangerous, you're bordering on obsession, especially if you already had sex with him, if you were obsessing over him before, sex only makes it worse. ooo you're in trouble. That's why you should always wait to see where you stand with someone before sex comes into the picture.

You talk about him non-stop, your friends are sick and tired to death of hearing about him, but you can't stop.

You imagine him laying in bed beside you. A few times a day you think about what he's doing and where he's at, who he might be with, if he thinks about you at all. You wish he would call you or text you.

Either you're in love or some extreme lust, this can make you feel out of control and crazy. You should never let this feeling make you act like a crazy person. I know this can make a perfectly logical person act like someone who should be locked away in an insane asylum.

You should take a step back and slap yourself back into shape. The reason why we crave companionship, is because it is the most natural thing to us, nothing else feels more natural. Now fatal attraction ish, is not cute.

Finding yourself feeling confused, one minute you think he wants you, the next you're not sure, so you become scared that he'll break it off with you, so you break it off with him. Realizing that wasn't what you really wanted to do. Then you keep thinking about him over and over again, wondering if you made the right decision, a part of you thinks you did and a part of you thinks you should have just chilled out. If you felt that was what you needed to do, you probably made the right decision.

The moment though, you find yourself in a good place and you've moved on and the thoughts of him become less and less until he merely exists deep down in your memories. He sends a  text message or calls you and throws you right back into that place you were. you sit there just staring at your phone wondering whether to jump with joy or ignore it. 99% of the time we don't ignore it. Cause we're women and that's what we do. It's ok.


 

Ending a Relationship because you don't want to Fall In Love. Stupid or Smart?

The one reason that explains ending a relationship because you don't want to fall in love is the fear that when we fall we won't be caught. Is that such a bad thing, or do we just need to get over the fear and let things happen naturally. Letting it happen would mean we wouldn't be in control anymore, control is a big thing for a lot of people, the fear of letting your walls down and trusting someone may be the hardest thing to do.

On one hand, you could have the most chemistry, the most passion and intensity you may have ever had with one person, but then you see those a-hole qualities in them, that same a-hole that you always choose. You realize you pick the same type of guy over and over again and it never ends well. You know you would probably fall in love and things would become confusing and tangled, so you decide to make the decision to end it before it gets to that point. Now that I can't say is dumb. Now on the other hand, you meet someone, they do all the right things, say all the right things, chemistry is great and you could absolutely see a future with this person, but you become fearful that you'll get hurt so you break it off. Now that I will say is dumb. Letting something go because you fear being hurt, when you know they would be good for you, is a fear we need to let go of.

It's really good to have high standards for who you want to have a relationship with, holding out for the right one can be pretty refreshing and empowering. Letting go of something I think is unhealthy has never been a problem for me, I have always been logical enough to know when it's time to let go of something that won't do me any good in the future, I'm not an ice queen, but I also know my worth. Everyone should  learn how  to separate emotions and logic. Break it off and don't look back.

The fear of losing yourself in a relationship can be a big deterrent from wanting to fall in love with someone, because maybe you have a habit of making it all about your partner. You become so entangled in them you forget who you are and your whole purpose because you've put so much time and effort into making them happy, you forget about yourself. So the next person that comes along you're so scared you'll forget your happiness you completely reject the notion of even entering into anything with them. There is a difference between being afraid of falling in love and not being ready. Always trust your instincts.

When You're Dreaming with a Broken Heart

I thought about what I wanted to write about in my next post and I had no idea, I usually draw inspiration from things around me, not necessarily what I'm going through or what people around me are going through, it could be a tv show or a movie. The inspiration for this post came when I was on the bus going into work this morning, and I was listening to music, and the John Mayer song came on, Dreaming with a broken heart and it peaked something in me. Sometimes the smallest thing triggers something in me to start writing. Anyways enough of my babbling. I wanted to talk about what happens when a relationship doesn't go the way you want it to, whether it was a fling you were hoping would turn into something, or a relationship you hoped would lead to marriage or whatever the circumstances may be.

One of the things you must absolutely remember is that life goes on, You'll feel down for a bit, but eventually you'll be back to your lovely self and up to take on the world again. But until then allow yourself to be sad, it's a healing process and there is never a time limit on it, everyone gets through things in their own time and at their own pace, so never let anyone push you to be over something you're not ready to be over with.

You're probably waiting by the phone to see if you get a text or a phone call from him and every time your phone goes off, you hope it's him. But you get disappointed when you look and it's not. You tell yourself to stop thinking about him, but that only makes you think about him even more. You wish there was something you did differently, or something you could have said differently. You find yourself thinking about him even when you don't realize that you are, you wish he could feel the way you feel, or even know just exactly how you feel, you wish he would fight for you, the way you would fight for him, you wish  you could mean as much to him as he does to you. But then you realize you're just dreaming and wishing, so you try to snap out of it, because you realize you don't mean as much to him and he doesn't feel how you feel. A part of heart break and failed relationships is gaining experience, it gives you an idea of what you want and what you don't want. So we can identify what the best thing for us is.

One of my most favourite lines have become, "You haven't experienced the best parts of your life yet" Which is so true. Future thoughts about what could be and finding the love of your life brings you happiness in so many ways, it's hope that keeps us going, and the willingness to fall inlove again is what keeps us alive.

I saw a quote the other day, it went something like this; "What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be" We often think because someone somewhere said this is how it's supposed to be, this is how they've always done it. Means it's the way it's suppose to be done. Write your own vows. Heartbreak should never be a hindrance, but an enlightenment, we should be able to draw some wisdom from it, after all it's only a part of life. If something doesn't work out we shouldn't completely shut our emotions off, but accept it, and move on. Don't be disheartened, heart break happens to the best of us. Remember it will only be a matter of time before you find the good in goodbye. smooches!

 

The Rules of Dating

                                               

Let me start off by saying I hate rules, as a rebellious soul, it only comes naturally to me, to try my best to bend, twist and break them, but I do follow them from time to time as much as I don't want to. The rules of dating kinda irks my nerves though. Why  are there these unwritten rules that you think you have to follow in order to establish a meaningful relationship?

One of the things I hate, is the whole you can't be your true self thing on dates, granted, holding back doesn't really qualify as not being yourself, you don't wanna be telling him in-depth information about your ex's or past screw ups, first impressions do stick.You can't really say exactly how you feel, or you may feel like you can't, because you're scared he will think you're a nut or you get obsessed easily. Now everything has a limit to it. If you come on too strong, I will admit, it can be a bit of a turn off. For me, I hate when a man is way too complimentary, like telling me I'm pretty one too many times, kinda makes me wanna scream, it comes off as unauthentic. Now I hate when a guy doesn't give enough compliments, tell me I look beautiful when I do. But don't overdo it.

The when to call rule after the first date. Who cares if you call 3 days later or 2 hours later, if you know you both had a good time, why does it matter? Generally the girl wants to wait until the guy calls or texts, I think we've come far enough from the era when women allowed men to be the first at everything. I don't think it really matters who makes the first move. I actually think men like when a woman makes the first move. Show him whose boss.

Wondering if he or she likes you, the ever tormenting thought. As much as we try not to think about this, we do and we overanalyze everything, did he mean this, did she mean this when she said that. Just take it for what it is or you can always just ask. Some people aren't very verbal so sometimes even though they might treat you like they like you, you never really know because they don't say it. My love languages are words of affirmation, quality time and acts of service, I don't wanna just be shown, I wanna be told also. I can imagine that's what most people want, though everyone's love language differs.

The limbo phase- not knowing where the relationship is going, you both didn't really come out and say you want a relationship, but things are going really well. You think he's your boyfriend, she thinks she's your girlfriend, but nobody wants to come out and say it, because you don't want that whole awkwardness, so you feel like you're stuck in limbo. On the border of girlfriend and boyfriend but not quite in the loop. Again just don't be afraid to ask, if it doesn't go how you want it to, it was just not meant to be.

When to introduce to friends, There isn't really a time limit on this, If it feels right just do it. It doesn't have to be a big thing, it can be in a casual setting, a casual meet up. You don't have to haul out the trumpets and throw roses at the ground.

If he doesn't reply to a text within a certain time you deem to be acceptable, do not send him 50 texts after that, that'll make you look insane. Sometimes things come up, don't jump to conclusions. Always give the benefit of the doubt and just let it go, innocent until proven guilty.

If he says he will call you back later and he doesn't-women think later means, later on today, now for men later doesn't necessarily mean the same day. Men don't really put a time frame on this, their later could mean tomorrow or the next day. On the other hand you could also just be number 10 on his list. Don't sweat it, if he doesn't call, he's missing out, because you know you're a good catch, you don't need a phone call to validate that.
 

The Things Players Say and Do

The I'm not a player line- Usually this means , I'm a player. The fact that you have to tell me you're not a player, means that you are one. He thinks you are thinking that he is one, so he tries to convince you that he's not, because for one, even if a woman thinks a man is a player, him coming out and admitting to it, would be a complete no go, he knows you won't give him a chance. So he tells you he isn't and for women, even if we know it, you not saying it, makes a difference. Then again on the other hand, some men are actually upfront about this, but women still go in heart first.

I'm not ready for anything serious- This means if I make you feel like Mrs Universe and we happen to have sex, and you catch feelings, and want a committment, I told you from the start that I didn't want a relationship. This is a get out of jail free card. He might treat you like you're in a relationship, but when it comes on to making a real committment, he will remind you of just this. Men know women get emotionally attached, so tellng us this, is just a defence mechanism, because they know after sex we get all girly, even if you don't see yourselves with the person forever.  Telling you this gives men the upper hand if you decide to leap into something with them.

I've been busy- I wrote about this one before, but I have to touch on it again, being busy is not an excuse, this just means, you're not that important. You were the flavour of the month last month, but i've moved on to Jessica now. Maybe next month you'll have your turn. Nobody is ever too busy to send a 2 second text, if you got a chance to go to the bathroom, you could send a text. When you like someone, it doesn't matter, you make time. Don't fall for this excuse.

The worldwind romance- He will probably create a routine, calls you every night, texts you everyday, takes you out every other day. The game to this is, he's trying to get you hooked, so that when he doesn't call you the next week, you are already head over heels for him. So he can string you along as long as he wants to. If you want to keep him around, don't be too available.

The I've been hurt before line- Men tell you this to evoke sympathy out of you, even if he doesn't want anything serious with you. He knows telling you this, will get you to form some kind of bond with him, it will get you to feel sorry for him, in turn letting your guard down, because women wanna be rescuers, we are caregivers by nature. I mean some men genuinly have been hurt before, but typically it's all just a game.

If he doesn't wanna take you out- This has no explanation to it really, if he doesn't wanna take you out, dump him and move on.

If he calls late and comes over late- You are a b-o-o-t-y c-a-l-l, spell it with me. That is all you are to him, he probably has his relationship girl he sees during the day, and reserves your time for a Sunday or Wednesday night, when his bay has to work.