It Doesnt Matter Who Came First, All that Matters is Who Came and Never Left

Is the theory of always being attached to your first love or the first person who took your virginity true? Or is it just a misconception that we have all fooled ourselves into believing. I personally think love has no rules, maybe you will forever be attached and maybe you won't. It all depends on the profound effect that person had on your life. Does it mean that because I was completely and utterly in love with my first love, that nobody else could compare to that, I don't think so.

We have all been jealous at some point in our lives because of our partners past, why? because you love them and you want to be the first for them at everything. Problem with that is, 9/10 times you won't be and you just have to deal with that. We have to remember that the past is exactly what it is, the past, it's a reason whomever they were with never made it to their future. Being the first doesn't mean being the best, We fail to realize that sometimes.

Instead of getting jealous about what your partner shared with an ex, focus on your relationship, focus on being the best, because no matter how much you bitch about his past, it will never change. Be the best partner he has ever had, you won't be his first but dammnit you'll be the last, you'll be the one that he sticks with, you'll be the one that he loves and cares about. We are humans and we are made of flesh and blood, we fall weak to temptation sometimes and that ugly green eyed monster comes up, but the most valuable thing you can do is to trump it before it rares its ugly head too far, to the point that it ruins your relationship.

Facebook stalking her and going through all her pics, trying to find every reason that you're better than her or prettier than her, or smarter than her, will not make you feel any better. You'll just be the Psycho girlfriend who is obsessesively stalking his ex on social media. It's foolish, they have nothing to do with you or your relationship, but yet you use your free time going over every crooked smile, every bad outfit. Though I can understand the insatiable desire to do it :/ we have all been there at some point, sad to say. Fact of the matter is, women are always in competition with their own sex, there will always be someone out there prettier than, smarter than you, have a better body than you, but hunny, there will never be another you and that's why he's with you and that's why he loves you❤



 

The Premature "I love you"

Let’s just go ahead and start off with a slap in the face for this one. So you're going out with Johnny, you're having a great time, he opens your doors, brings you flowers, pays for dinner, he makes you feel special, says all the right things, You start thinking maybe there is a possibility he could be in your future. One night you go out with him and you're having the best time of your life, and you blurt out I love you, only problem is, you've only been dating for two weeks. Could this be the defining moment for the future of the relationship? Either he'll say it back, or he will run for the hills, or he will explain that he likes you, but thinks you need to spend more time to get to know each other first. If he sees any future or potential in the relationship, he won't let the early “I love you" ruin it.

Why do we say I love you too early in relationships? Because maybe for a moment that's how we feel, there aren't any rules when it comes on to how you feel, you can’t tell yourself how to feel; you just know how you feel. Sometimes love is confused with lust, we know we want them, we know they make us happy, we know we love to spend time with them, but does that mean its love? no it doesn't, it makes it really difficult to address and analyze our feelings sometimes, It's good to just take a step back and ask yourself a few questions, like, do I love this person. If the answer is I don't know, if you have any apprehension whatsoever, it's not love, because the one thing love can never be is unsure.

I love you puts pressure on a relationship when it's said too soon, you’re not just dating anymore, this means you're thinking about the future. If the other person isn't, it could end with you being completely and utterly devastated. Hold off on saying it until you feel secure enough to do so, or until the relationship has blossomed enough.

Love can't be forced, you can't make anybody love you, if someone hasn't said I love you yet, they probably don't just yet, give it time and be patient, take the time to get to know each other and enjoy each other’s company, because if the I love you doesn't feel a 100% right, it probably isn't.

 

Are we too old to Still Get butterflies?

Have you ever thought this to yourself? I realize of lately this question has been popping up a lot, can we still get that feeling of our knees getting weak and that knot in our stomachs, because of a man, or was it just a highschool thing? were we just too young and innocent and pure and believed that no man would ever hurt us, so we had no reservations, so we opened our hearts freely. I think we have become far more experienced and we know exactly what we want and what we don't want. Before we let ourselves get too intrigued by someone, we feel them out first, we see what kind of person they are before we allow ourselves to let go and let love.

If I don't get butterflies with someone right away, does it mean that it won't come later, or what if I do get butterflies with someone right away, does it mean that it will last? I have asked myself these questions a number of times. From my perspective, I think we don't always realize the people we are suppose to spend our lives with right when we meet them, some things are gradual, while some things just happen. I've seen marriages that have lasted for years, but one or both of the partners never thought they would have been together, because the butterflies weren't there right off the bat, but they eventually came as they grew to love and accept eachother.

Everyone has their own definition of how they think things should be, I know for some women if they don't get that sweep me off my feet type thing, then they think it isn't real. Does it mean that you will be settling if you marry someone who didn't give you that right away? Remember highschool when we allowed ourselves to be totally enamoured by a guy/girl, your emotions clouded your judgement, you probably put up with a lot of crap, because you were just so taken by the person, your judgement was off and you were blinded by your own affections or by something else. As we mature we become much more senstitive to love, we don't give our hearts up that freely, maybe that's why we don't get butterflies anymore, or maybe we just havn't found that special one.

For all who believe that butterflies from the get go is what will make a long lasting and healthy relationship, I say more power to you and for those who believe that it takes time, and eventually your butterflies will show up, then more power to you also. to each his own. Some things happen for people this way and some things happen for people another way, you just have to figure out which way you want to go with.

Date Someone who Understands you

This is extremely hard to find. Sometimes it takes years and a lot of dates. One of the key components to finding this type of person is confidence and trusting your gut, you may second guess yourself and over analyze. We all go through this phase in our lives, while you may be confident, failed relationships and sucky dates can make you a bit cynical and hopeless. It's not the end of the world and sometimes you have to go on a million dates before you find the one.

You should always be confident in your approach, it influences how you come off to people. Always trust your intuition it was given to us for a reason, if you think someone isn't right for you, let go of it and move on. I know letting go is not the easiest thing, and something in us called curiosity drives us to want to see if it could work out. If you see things in someone that you would not want in the long haul let it go. Let go of the dead end relationships that only bring you comfort in the now, but has no future.

The problem we face is that we think we are going to find our prince charming  right off the bat, granted some people do, but as we say back home puss and dog nuh have di same luck  meaning maybe this worked for her but it doesn't mean it will work for you. That's just how it is. When you meet someone you should not have to feel like you need to be someone different to make them happy, anybody who deserves to be in your life should accept you flaws and all. They should be man enough or woman enough to handle all your baggage, truth is we all come into relationships with some baggage, some just come with carry ons and others have massive pulleys, if he can't handle it, then honey he is not the one who was meant to love you. It's a harsh reality but we all have to face it.

Sometimes we just don't click with people, you may go out on dates, but didn't call this guy back because he was too nice, or didn't give this girl a call back because there was no chemistry and vice versa. When you're looking for your match sometimes we have to make harsh decisions, do you want to string someone along or waste someone's time, I'm sure you don't and I'm sure you wouldn't want anyone wasting your time. Always try to be upfront and honest, sometimes making decisions in dating isn't easy, but nobody wants to settle for just good enough. Put your focus on men/women that are interested in you and leave the ones who aren't alone. Not everyone will like you and you won't like everyone. Not because you're rejected or your feelings are hurt means you should completely shut down and give up.

Stop blaming the city you live in and look within yourself, maybe why you have been unlucky in love is because of you, maybe you have things you need to fix. Sometimes the problem lies within us, why we end up in toxic relationships and unhealthy dates. Take a step back and figure out what it is that you are doing wrong, or what it is that you are giving off that attracts the same type of men or women.Get help figuring it out if you need to,  realizing we need help sometimes is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength, if you're anything like me, it takes a lot to admit when you need help. Just remember the love of your life won't find you sitting on your couch, you have to put yourself out there.

 You will find someone who understands you, you will realize all those other horrible relationships and bad dates were just practice, so you could understand what real love feels like. You want to find a best friend as well as a lover. Someone who gets you, someone who will never judge you and who will be there for you in your ups and downs.  Someone who understands that you are human and won't try to change you. Just be patient❤

Why do we Hurt the People We Care About

Why do we hurt the ones we care about? Sometimes we're just having a bad day, sometimes we can't explain it. Nobody really ever intentionally wants to hurt someone they care about, but the reality is that it happens and if you're human it makes you feel like crap. One of the biggest blessings in this life is to find someone who understands your ups and downs, because we all have them. While that is no excuse, we aren't perfect and we make mistakes, sometimes some we can't come back from.

We are human and we weren't made perfectly for someone else, it takes hard work, a lot of hard work and dedication, but that's what you do when you care for someone. Often times we tend to see the bad in people  forgetting all the good that's there. I cant emphasize enough, that there are bad people that do bad things and good people that do bad and stupid things. We might not think something we say or do will hurt someone, because maybe it wouldn't hurt you, so you think they won't be hurt by it. The thing to remember is, we are all different, and we all deal with hurt and forgiveness differently, there just needs to be understanding.

Sometimes it's good to take a step back and let the person be hurt and deal with it in their own way instead of trying to fix it right then, then getting mad when they cant just snap out of it. This is something I need to work on and I'm sure many others have this problem. Usually men are fixers and women are listeners, in this case i'm a fixer, because I feel so deeply for people, if I hurt them I want to fix it right away, because I hate seeing people hurt, but what I've realized is sometimes people need time. They won't get over it when you want them to, but they will in their own time. Why we say things sometimes we don't mean, is beyond me, it could be some underlying issue that we don't realize is there. It is never fun when you hurt someone you truly care about and it is never fun getting hurt.

I think sometimes we hurt the people we care about, because they are the ones closest to us and somewhere in our subconscious we think because they care for us, we can lash out on them and they will forgive us. That's not fair for anyone, and is extremely toxic, the sooner you recognize it, the sooner you can fix it. People aren't perfect and we will never be, we are all on a path to recovery and growth. If you ever feel angry write out all your feelings on a piece of paper, just let it all out, it's way better than hurting someone you care for. Words do hurt also.

Sometimes we just have ups and downs, it's apart of life, we take the bad with the good. We all have days when something that wouldn't usually affect us, affects us and we say and do things that we would never usually do. We have different parts to every relationship, different phases, the attraction phase, the getting to know you phase, the first I love you phase and the first real hurt phase, either it will make you or break you, how you handle this will determine where your relationship will go. Show me a relatonship that hasn't experienced some form of hurt and i'll show you two people that don't really care for each other, the one you care about, words and actions carries the most weight.

 

Signs You're Falling In Love

You get butterflies- you know that funny feeling you get in the pit of your stomach everytime you're around that special someone. If the phone rings and it's him or you get a text message and its him, your heart and stomach does back flips. Sure sign you are headed down the love road my dear. It's perfectly normal, everybody feels this at some point in their life, it's a great feeling.

You get nervous- which could attribute to why you have butterflies in your stomach, only certain people can make you nervous, someone who intimidates you or someone you're falling for. You probably stumble over your words a little, can't seem to catch your breath, you overanalyze because you don't wanna leave a bad impression.

You want to be around him all the time-  this doesn't mean you should be clingy, you may wanna be around him all the time, but the understanding that everyone needs their own space every now and then is a must. But if being around that person makes you feel at peace and at home, you're probably falling or you've already fallen in love with them, the next step is for you to admit it to yourself. Remember love has no timing, it just happens.

The surge of feelings- Have you ever gotten that overwhelming feeling, where you find yourself so happy, I mean extraordinarily happy, like you could conquer the world and it's all because of one person. You may feel a bit out of control even, like you wanna shout i'm in love with you from the mountain tops.

Catch yourself smiling when you look at her- Does her smile make you smile? do you find yourself just staring at his face, without even realizing that you're doing it. Does it make you happy to know that she is able to make you happy, by just looking at her. When just looking at someone makes you happy, that's being in love.

You've pictured what your kids would look like- you're so in love.

You see a future with him- you find yourself dreaming about what a future would be like with him, the white picket fence, the dream house, the whole enchilada.

You start sacrificing- Find yourself making sacrifices? like not going shopping because you would rather be cuddled up with him on the couch, if you're anything like me, that's a sacrifice. Handing her the remote control or giving her your jacket when it's cold out. Surefire way to realize you're smittened.




 

Why you Might be Having Trouble Getting Over him

No closure- This may possibly be one of the biggest reasons why getting over him is not so easy to do. You might have been the one to break if off with him. But if you felt as if you weren't given the opportunity to express how you felt, it can leave you feeling a bit cheated. Closure is especially important to women, maybe because we analyze everything. A part of being grown up and mature about a break up or separation, whatever kind it may be, is for each party to give the other the opportunity to put everything out on the table and discuss what each person is feeling. The key is to always be honest and to remember that he won't be your last love. I know sometimes we think because we were so in love with that person, that you can't have that again or something even better, you will be loved again and you will love again. You and your ex didn't work out for a reason, maybe it's because something better is out there for you.

The memories- It's hard to get someone out of your head who you cared about, but sitting around and thinking about them 24/7 will not help you to get over them. I know it's hard to shut your mind off, But you have control over your thoughts. Clear your mind, though it's not the worst thing to think about some of the good memories that you once shared, you have to learn to not dwell on them. Picturing him showing up at your door, or calling you and confessing his undying love for you will only keep you in a funk when it doesn't happen. If you know it's over, close the chapter and place it behind you.

Rejecting potential dates- Having a rebound relationship is not the best idea, you know when you are ready to get up and start dating again. Don't reject other men that could really be interested in you though. If the grieving period is longer than the actual relationship, something is wrong and you need to evaluate your issues. Take the time to get back up on your feet and give that guy a chance when the time is right. Don't date just as a pass time, do it beacuse you're ready to.

Keeping  yourself in a rut- The slobbing around the house, ignoring your friends calls and pleas to go out, months after you've broken up, will get you knowhere. You have to get out and find activities to do, keep yourself busy. Make new friends, hang out with your old friends. Find new and interesting things, do the things you loved, but neglected when you were with your ex. Get out and live your life. Listening to Adele's someone like you, will only make you think about him, listen to cheerful music, music that makes you wanna get up and dance and forget about your problems for a while.

Holding on to his stuff-  It can be hard letting go of his stuff that once held sentimental value and more than likely still do, but there comes a point when we have to let go. Sometimes we have to just delete the text messages, erase the numbers and move on. You need to get rid of his stuff, let go of the things that keep you tied to him. A part of moving on is letting go.

Talking about him- Constantly talking about him, I know it's hard to control, but you know when you're not completely over someone is when you constantly talk about them. It's a hard pill to swallow, because we so often try to convince ourselves and everyone around us that we're over it and he doesn't phase you anymore, but deep down you know he still does. The mind is a powerful thing, but you have to learn how to control it, you can't let it control you. We don't realize how much power we have in the ability to restrain ourselves from doing something we want not to do.