BREAKS! I have my Ish together, NO you will not turn my World all Topsy Turvy

Okay I had to write a post about this, have you ever met a fine a** man and he totally threw you off your game, had to catch your breath for a second or two, cause chemistry was just booming, and everything just felt oh so right? then you remember a man that beautiful, only comes with a lot of problems and issues. But you just wish in some alternate reality that he could be that perfect one to rid you of all your bad experiences with all the losers you've been out with. Ofcourse, we all have been there. For a second you allow yourself to be entrapped by him then you freeze for a minute and think, oh no no no you will not come mess with my head and have me singing Tony Braxton's unbreak my heart, oh no honey.

As much as the idea of a beautiful structured man sounds enticing, they come with trouble, almost always players, if he's not a full on player, they have some committment issues, I don't know if it's because they think they're too beautiful to settle down, or that one special girl broke their heart way back when. Whatever. As quickly as you get those feelings, brush them off, wash it off if brushing it off doesn't work.

On the other hand though, allowing yourself to feel that good feeling, isn't such a bad thing. Sometimes you just can't help it, you know he's bad for you, but it just feels so good. Life is about taking risks I guess, besides what kind of stories would you tell when you get old.. It might lead into something magical. But if you're just not ready for your world to be spun out of control leave that man alone and go settle for a nerd, hey they make the best partners, or so I've heard. Don't knock it till you try it.

Women like the chase though, that's why most of us go for the bad boys, because they keep you captivated, with all their drama and issues. Women might say they don't like drama, but deep down you know you do a little, you aint gotta lie. Life would be boring if something didn't stir your world a little every now and then. I think women go for bad boys because they think that's the epitome of masculinity, strong, acts like he has no care about rules, but in all actuality, bad boys put on a facade, they hide behind the luxury cars and the flashy clothes, usually the bigger the facade the more fragile the ego. But that's a whole other topic.










 

The One you Want Never Seems to Want you Back

We have all been through this once or twice, maybe even 3 times in our lives. for the ones who haven't, 2 claps for you, you've managed to spare yourself a major blow to your self esteem. For the ones who have, hang in there sweetie, there is someone out there for you. My motto in life is, if it's meant to be it'll be and if it's not, there's always icecream, chocolate and romantic movies to get you through those sad times and ofcourse that guy who will forever be friendzoned. lol

The best thing to do is to just let it go, I know the heart wants what the heart wants, but it's not worth it. You will spare yourself a ton of embarrassment and kleenex. You don't wanna be his right now and you shouldn't settle for being his right now, even if he's really cute. Which makes it even harder. You just have to keep yourself busy inorder to not think about him, go out, clean your house, throw yourself into your work. Do whatever it takes to get him out of your head. Cause I can almost gaurantee he aint thinking bout you.


Do not chase him. Don't text him, don't call him, exercise self control. If anybody is going to do those things let it be him. Now I'm not saying you should never call or never text, but especially if you just met him, you have to make him realize he's not the center of your universe. You show just enough interest to keep it going. Show him you don't need him, let him realize he needs you and if he doesn't, kick rocks...deuces! on to the next one. Someone better might show up. You never know.

Now this might sound like a game, but isn't life a game? depending on how you play your cards, you could get burned or you could win. Everything has an art to it, you just have to learn how to master that art. How to keep him coming back to you. Men like a self assured woman, you show him you have a life outside of him, and if you don't talk to him for a day or two, oxygen keeps flowing through your lungs.

But I know you think to yourself, why does this always happen to me, but it happens to everyone, knowing that makes you feel a little bit better about yourself. Life is a funny thing and love is almost always unexpected, thats what makes it so freaking amazing. Your love will show up soon, just stop thinking about it and before you know it, poof! unconditional love. Yeah right lol no I mean it.

Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places?

The key word in my headline is "looking" that's the problem. The greatest love stories are the ones that are unexpected (well sometimes). We shouldn't go looking for love, we should let it find us. But on the other hand we are conditioned to go looking for it, everything in our being reads love is to be found, love has to be found. We know the famous phrase; love hurts, but love doesn't hurt, love is pure within itself. People hurt, people lie, people cheat, it is because we love them why we get hurt, but love can't make a decision on it's own.

Do you feel like you can't have a relationship that lasts, and you won't ever find someone cause all men are dogs and all the good ones are taken, blah blah blah. Maybe you're just looking in the wrong places or sometimes the problem lies within you. Maybe somewhere in your subconcious lies the problem to why you pick the same guys everytime ( daddy issues, mommy issues or just issues overall). Never try to find someone to validate who you are, you don't need someone to love you for you to love yourself. Love starts with us.

Sleeping around with a bunch of different people won't give you the validation you need, it will leave you feeling empty and alone. If you keep searching for something that you lack in someone else, you will always end up with a hole inside your heart. You have to be alright with yourself, for you to be alright with anybody else.

Different people have different views on how love will be found, or how a love story should be. But there are no rules when it comes on to love. Can we choose the people we fall inlove with, literally, yes we can, if I don't wanna fall inlove with Paul, I won't. But can we help who we fall inlove with? because if you really like someone, it's hard not to fall inlove. As soon as you start to fall if you don't pull back, nature will do what nature was created to do, like the trees grow if you don't cut them down, the water flows if there is no interference. Love grows if you let it.

I believe if there are unresolved issues in your past relationships, or life, they will definately affect your future relationships. Getting over issues from your past is never easy.The suggestion I would give to someone, would be to resolve your issues before you get involved with someone else, because it will probably ruin a good thing. I know being alone sucks, but being alone is way better than being in something unhealthy. Find love & peace within yourself first.










 

Are you Just an Option, While he's a Priority?

You know it's not just a cute saying. Dont make him a priority if you're just an option. Have you ever met a really nice guy and you hit it off, but all of a sudden the texts get less, the calls get less and your're left wondering if you did something wrong, or something happened. So you keep calling him and texting him, trying to show more interest and the more you push is the more he pulls away. You have two options in this scenario, either you keep calling him and keep looking and feeling like a fool, or you leave that man alone. Chances are when you stop chasing, he'll start, then you just kick his butt to the curb like beckham. If you didn't want me then, why do you want me now?

When you're important to a man, he will do anything to talk to you, to see you, to spend time with you, if he is busy he will make time. Doesn't matter. Think back to a time when you gave out your number to a guy you didn't necessarily like, but you were keeping your options open. Did you guys start off texting a bit, talking on the phone a bit, but it still wasn't quite what you were looking for. So you started ignoring his calls or texts or taking hours to reply, and he just kept on pushing and the more he pushed the more you got turned off. Now think about that guy you really liked and he started ignoring your texts and your calls, do you see how this works, women are not so different from men. We do some of the same things, If a guy starts ignoring you, he is probably not interested. Just move on, plenty of fish in the sea, grab a boat and sail on.

Men are pretty simple individuals, sometimes we find them hard to understand because we don't listen and observe, either the signs or what comes out of their mouth. Usually when a man tells you he doesn't want a relationship, it usually means you're just not that special one. If you were, he would just let it happen. It's hard to accept that, because you start questioning if something is wrong with you. But there is nothing wrong with you, sometimes we just aren't meant to be with the people we think we should be with. The worst thing you can do when a man tells you he doesn't want a relationship, is to push him, or try to change his mind. When he says he doesn't want a relationship, if he has never been clear about anything, trust me he is clear on that, it's what he means.If you choose to enter into anything with him, go at your own risk, because 99.9% of the time, you're gonna get hurt sweetheart.

You have to come with some mystery, don't let it all hang out on the first date. Be an enigma to him, Let him know just enough to keep him interested, but there is still something there to figure out. Men love a challenge, Humans overall love a challenge. If it's too easy and everything is figured out in a few minutes, there is no mystery left , no suspense, nothing left to keep us intrigued.You know what they say if a man wants you, nothing can keep him away, if he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. So don't be that annoying girl who can't get a clue, it's usually pretty clear if a man isn't interested in you. I even rhymed a little, would you look at that.

 

Gentlemen, Nowadays? Rare Commodity

I think the men of this generation lack so many good genuine qualities We rarely have gentlemen nowadays and it's sad. I don't know if women are making it too easy for them or if they just aren't being raised with the values and morals that once was taught. Have you ever met a guy and the first time he's asking you to come over to his house( like no negro, I don't want to come over to your house), instead of asking you out on a date, I know atleast a few women have experienced this mess in their lifetime. The one thing I know is when a guy asks you over to his house, majority if not all the time, he is hoping sex happens, unless he is a gentleman, which leads back to my title, rare commodity. 

Men say women complain and we nag blah blah blah, have you ever thought, maybe you just weren't doing things right, maybe you're the problem, it is a possibility. Men like to do what they want to do, like watching tv all day with a pile of dirty dishes sitting infront of them or clothes everywhere and when we refuse to clean it up, and tell them to get up off their lazy rumps and do it. they say we're nagging. Learn to differentiate nagging and tired of picking up after ur slobby butt. Relationships need to be 50/50, there should never be I give a little you give a lot.

I don't know why women settle for this type of treatment, the one trait you should never have to compromise on when it comes on to a guy, is him being a gentleman. Maybe if we stopped settling for just going over to his house, or chilling at his friends house on a first date,then they would put in work. Men need to be taught that you're special and if they want to be in your company, they need to ask you out on a real date and court you like you're supposed be courted. Put your foot down ladies and stop settling for these half assed excuses for men. If a man wants you, he needs to work for you. I understand the heart can lead you to do strange things, but start leading with your head, if your head is telling you something is not right, go with it, and stop making excuses for these men.

 

Respect yourselves enough to stand up for what you think is right, and for what you know you deserve, a man will do so much to you, if you let him. Stop falling for the tired ass excuses and retire him. If you don't value yourselves enough to not be mistreated, how is any man gonna respect you. If he thinks you will put up with anything, he will keep doing anything, expecting you to be cool with it, because you stay. I say I don't have to be with you to forgive you. I can forgive you from a distance, don't need to be with you to prove that I do. Stop making it so easy for these men and take back your pride and your respect, any guy who wants to court you, needs to respect the fact that you won't settle for the norm, BECAUSE YOU ARE EXTRAORDINARY HUNNY! say it with me. You are woman and you are phenomenal. Sometimes I wonder, these men treating women like crap and they have daughters,mothers and sisters you do realize what goes around comes around right, and Karma takes many forms. If at any point you think you are treating a woman any less than how you would want a man to treat your daughter or mother or sister, re-evaluate your personality traits and fix it.

Don't Settle For good Enough Because You're Lonely

 

I feel like so many women do this, I understand that being alone is hard, but is it worth settling down with someone just to not be alone? Take some time out to ask yourself what will make you happy, if the things you have thought about do not correspond with the person you are with, then I think its time for you to move on. Life is too short to be spent with someone you aren't absolutely crazy about. Truth is everybody wants that one person who they would do anything for, that person who they can love unconditionally, without a second of thought as to why you love them so much.

A lot of people think they will never find that special someone, so what ends up happening is that they settle. People say nowadays marriages end so quickly because people don't try as hard to make relationships work. I think there are so many factors that contribute to this, One being women are more independent, in the past women solely relied on men to provide for their needs, so they would put up with anything just to make the relationship work. Women nowadays realize that they don't have to do that, they can provide for themselves just as good if not better than a man can.

Figure out what you want in a relationship and never settle for good enough, if it means being alone then so be it. Stand firm on the things  you just won't compromise on. Take some time out to take care of yourself, fall inlove with yourself, take bubble baths, walks in the park, walk down the street and smile, doesn't matter if people think you're crazy, smile because you love you and you enjoy your own company.

They say opposites attract which I think is true, if you have a bubbly personality or a  hyper personality, find someone who mellows you out and vice versa. If you have a fiery personality find someone who calms you down, nothing worst than a hurricane and a tornado, it will never work. As life takes you on these many journeys and love comes and goes, you will realize the only constant thing is you loving yourself.

Figure out how to be alone, so if you find someone and he isn't good to you, being alone won't be a problem. We often chase after what isn't good for us knowing it isn't good for us, only to come to the conclusion after we have been battered and bruised that this really wasn't good for me. Why we do the things we do will forever be a mystery to me. Why we ignore the things that are good for us and latch on to the things that are not can only be explained by you. We may say we don't know but if you dig into that deep place that causes us to make the decisions we do, there is always a reason, even if it's a dumb one. We just need to learn how to admit it to ourselves.

Say to yourself, I am a smart beautiful woman who deserves to be treated right, and will settle for no less, YOU know what you deserve and let no one tell you any different. Sometimes it's leaving, not staying, where your true strength lies. Let people think what they want of you, at the end of the day, you can look back and say I did what I felt was right, and nobody can take that peace away from you.

Tap into your strength and learn from your mistakes, the key to having a great life is to live each day, in each moment with a smile on your face and a smile in your heart. Find what and who makes you  happy and live in each passing joy. Let go of any anger you may have for anyone and free yourself.

Love yourselves endlessly.

Here Comes a Fighter

Have you ever been so down in your life and your relationships, that you don't know if you could get any farther down and nothing seems to ever go your way. Until you come to the point where you ask God when is the time gonna come when I don't have to be strong anymore, when is it going to be easy. What we fail to realize is that life is never easy, and the same thing you're facing someone else is probably facing way worse.

We are inclined to be selfish, our first thought is usually going to be about our feelings, and when you're facing your trials it isn't easy to think of someone else that's facing an even bigger trial. They say once you have life you have a chance, but what is life if you feel like you can't catch a break and everywhere you turn it's just sorrow. You wanna be mad at God and you want to scream what did I ever do to deserve all the things I'm going through, you think I'm a good person I try to be good, I don't deserve this. You think my relationship isn't where I want it to be, my life isn't where I want it to be. You wallow in your sorrows, and you turn to things that aren't of God. How then is he suppose to be with you if you turn from him.

You've gotta be a fighter in order to survive in this life, the world is  made of good and evil, sometimes great things happen to you, sometimes bad things happen to you. Our strength is determined by the things we are faced with and how we overcome them. It isn't easy to be a fighter, I can tell you 100% it isn't, I've been a fighter all my life so I can attest to it.But sometimes you break down because the blows of life just become too much, and you feel like God has left you and he is just watching from the sides, just watching you go through all your pain and failing to help. Truth is if you call on him with a sincere heart, he will not forsake you. I thought to myself how do you have people that don't believe in God, how do you not see him in the trees, the flowers the sea and oceans and even in great people, Sometimes someone is such a good person, it just confirms the fact that God is real. What do you rely on for your strength, because if you have hope, you believe in God, because without God nothing is possible. God is hope and without hope we would not be living the lives in which we are meant to live.

One of my favorite stories in the bible is about Job, he was a good man, a faithful man, he was blessed with many riches and then he lost it all. God gave Satan the authority  to tempt Job because he knew Job would stay faithful to him. All his riches were taken away, he was stricken with ailments, he asked God "why me?" because he knew he was such a good person, but he never once cursed God.When he came out of those trials, he was blessed with even more riches than he had before. Life is uncertain and we have a lot of hiccups along the way, We may not get what we want right away, because either we need to be taught something that will help us to build a strong character, or it's not the right time for it to happen. Relationships and life are the hardest things to handle especially if God isn't in it, a family that prays together stays together, it's not just a saying, keep God in your life, and you will see how much better it will be. Life hits you hard sometimes, but can you think back to some of the hardships you faced in your life, then think about what happened to them, they didn't last forever did they? so cheer up buttercup,you're a fighter remember? You may still be going through struggles, but give it to God and worry about it no more, we cannot change the things we can't control.