When You're Dreaming with a Broken Heart

I thought about what I wanted to write about in my next post and I had no idea, I usually draw inspiration from things around me, not necessarily what I'm going through or what people around me are going through, it could be a tv show or a movie. The inspiration for this post came when I was on the bus going into work this morning, and I was listening to music, and the John Mayer song came on, Dreaming with a broken heart and it peaked something in me. Sometimes the smallest thing triggers something in me to start writing. Anyways enough of my babbling. I wanted to talk about what happens when a relationship doesn't go the way you want it to, whether it was a fling you were hoping would turn into something, or a relationship you hoped would lead to marriage or whatever the circumstances may be.

One of the things you must absolutely remember is that life goes on, You'll feel down for a bit, but eventually you'll be back to your lovely self and up to take on the world again. But until then allow yourself to be sad, it's a healing process and there is never a time limit on it, everyone gets through things in their own time and at their own pace, so never let anyone push you to be over something you're not ready to be over with.

You're probably waiting by the phone to see if you get a text or a phone call from him and every time your phone goes off, you hope it's him. But you get disappointed when you look and it's not. You tell yourself to stop thinking about him, but that only makes you think about him even more. You wish there was something you did differently, or something you could have said differently. You find yourself thinking about him even when you don't realize that you are, you wish he could feel the way you feel, or even know just exactly how you feel, you wish he would fight for you, the way you would fight for him, you wish  you could mean as much to him as he does to you. But then you realize you're just dreaming and wishing, so you try to snap out of it, because you realize you don't mean as much to him and he doesn't feel how you feel. A part of heart break and failed relationships is gaining experience, it gives you an idea of what you want and what you don't want. So we can identify what the best thing for us is.

One of my most favourite lines have become, "You haven't experienced the best parts of your life yet" Which is so true. Future thoughts about what could be and finding the love of your life brings you happiness in so many ways, it's hope that keeps us going, and the willingness to fall inlove again is what keeps us alive.

I saw a quote the other day, it went something like this; "What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be" We often think because someone somewhere said this is how it's supposed to be, this is how they've always done it. Means it's the way it's suppose to be done. Write your own vows. Heartbreak should never be a hindrance, but an enlightenment, we should be able to draw some wisdom from it, after all it's only a part of life. If something doesn't work out we shouldn't completely shut our emotions off, but accept it, and move on. Don't be disheartened, heart break happens to the best of us. Remember it will only be a matter of time before you find the good in goodbye. smooches!

 

The Rules of Dating

                                               

Let me start off by saying I hate rules, as a rebellious soul, it only comes naturally to me, to try my best to bend, twist and break them, but I do follow them from time to time as much as I don't want to. The rules of dating kinda irks my nerves though. Why  are there these unwritten rules that you think you have to follow in order to establish a meaningful relationship?

One of the things I hate, is the whole you can't be your true self thing on dates, granted, holding back doesn't really qualify as not being yourself, you don't wanna be telling him in-depth information about your ex's or past screw ups, first impressions do stick.You can't really say exactly how you feel, or you may feel like you can't, because you're scared he will think you're a nut or you get obsessed easily. Now everything has a limit to it. If you come on too strong, I will admit, it can be a bit of a turn off. For me, I hate when a man is way too complimentary, like telling me I'm pretty one too many times, kinda makes me wanna scream, it comes off as unauthentic. Now I hate when a guy doesn't give enough compliments, tell me I look beautiful when I do. But don't overdo it.

The when to call rule after the first date. Who cares if you call 3 days later or 2 hours later, if you know you both had a good time, why does it matter? Generally the girl wants to wait until the guy calls or texts, I think we've come far enough from the era when women allowed men to be the first at everything. I don't think it really matters who makes the first move. I actually think men like when a woman makes the first move. Show him whose boss.

Wondering if he or she likes you, the ever tormenting thought. As much as we try not to think about this, we do and we overanalyze everything, did he mean this, did she mean this when she said that. Just take it for what it is or you can always just ask. Some people aren't very verbal so sometimes even though they might treat you like they like you, you never really know because they don't say it. My love languages are words of affirmation, quality time and acts of service, I don't wanna just be shown, I wanna be told also. I can imagine that's what most people want, though everyone's love language differs.

The limbo phase- not knowing where the relationship is going, you both didn't really come out and say you want a relationship, but things are going really well. You think he's your boyfriend, she thinks she's your girlfriend, but nobody wants to come out and say it, because you don't want that whole awkwardness, so you feel like you're stuck in limbo. On the border of girlfriend and boyfriend but not quite in the loop. Again just don't be afraid to ask, if it doesn't go how you want it to, it was just not meant to be.

When to introduce to friends, There isn't really a time limit on this, If it feels right just do it. It doesn't have to be a big thing, it can be in a casual setting, a casual meet up. You don't have to haul out the trumpets and throw roses at the ground.

If he doesn't reply to a text within a certain time you deem to be acceptable, do not send him 50 texts after that, that'll make you look insane. Sometimes things come up, don't jump to conclusions. Always give the benefit of the doubt and just let it go, innocent until proven guilty.

If he says he will call you back later and he doesn't-women think later means, later on today, now for men later doesn't necessarily mean the same day. Men don't really put a time frame on this, their later could mean tomorrow or the next day. On the other hand you could also just be number 10 on his list. Don't sweat it, if he doesn't call, he's missing out, because you know you're a good catch, you don't need a phone call to validate that.
 

The Things Players Say and Do

The I'm not a player line- Usually this means , I'm a player. The fact that you have to tell me you're not a player, means that you are one. He thinks you are thinking that he is one, so he tries to convince you that he's not, because for one, even if a woman thinks a man is a player, him coming out and admitting to it, would be a complete no go, he knows you won't give him a chance. So he tells you he isn't and for women, even if we know it, you not saying it, makes a difference. Then again on the other hand, some men are actually upfront about this, but women still go in heart first.

I'm not ready for anything serious- This means if I make you feel like Mrs Universe and we happen to have sex, and you catch feelings, and want a committment, I told you from the start that I didn't want a relationship. This is a get out of jail free card. He might treat you like you're in a relationship, but when it comes on to making a real committment, he will remind you of just this. Men know women get emotionally attached, so tellng us this, is just a defence mechanism, because they know after sex we get all girly, even if you don't see yourselves with the person forever.  Telling you this gives men the upper hand if you decide to leap into something with them.

I've been busy- I wrote about this one before, but I have to touch on it again, being busy is not an excuse, this just means, you're not that important. You were the flavour of the month last month, but i've moved on to Jessica now. Maybe next month you'll have your turn. Nobody is ever too busy to send a 2 second text, if you got a chance to go to the bathroom, you could send a text. When you like someone, it doesn't matter, you make time. Don't fall for this excuse.

The worldwind romance- He will probably create a routine, calls you every night, texts you everyday, takes you out every other day. The game to this is, he's trying to get you hooked, so that when he doesn't call you the next week, you are already head over heels for him. So he can string you along as long as he wants to. If you want to keep him around, don't be too available.

The I've been hurt before line- Men tell you this to evoke sympathy out of you, even if he doesn't want anything serious with you. He knows telling you this, will get you to form some kind of bond with him, it will get you to feel sorry for him, in turn letting your guard down, because women wanna be rescuers, we are caregivers by nature. I mean some men genuinly have been hurt before, but typically it's all just a game.

If he doesn't wanna take you out- This has no explanation to it really, if he doesn't wanna take you out, dump him and move on.

If he calls late and comes over late- You are a b-o-o-t-y c-a-l-l, spell it with me. That is all you are to him, he probably has his relationship girl he sees during the day, and reserves your time for a Sunday or Wednesday night, when his bay has to work.






 

Is it Possible, Mr Lovable is already In your life?

What if the one you were suppose to spend the rest of your life with, was right infront of you. Maybe the timing just wasn't right, he might have always been in a relationship or you might have always been in a relationship. Then when you were both out of your relationships, you were emotionally unavailable. A number of things could be factored in to why things could never work out, or why you never thought of the perfect one for you as the perfect one for you. It's that meeting the right one at the wrong time thing. Don't you just hate that?

Maybe Mr. perfect for you is in your life, but you just have to pass through a few jerks to realize he's the one for you. Bad relationships help us to realize what a good relationship is suppose to feel like. I'm one for not fighting love or feelings if it feels right, even if it is bad for you. The bad boy only fills the space until the good guy gets to it, right?

I spend a lot of time talking about what women deserve and what men should give to them. But men go through this just like women do. What if Mrs right is already in your life, but you just couldn't see it. There is that pesky bad timing thing, whether it's because you want to be a playa playa or you've been hurt and you just can't get over it bla bla bla. I believe we have several soulmates throughout our lives, depending on the decisions we make or how we treat them, determines the outcome of the relationship.Our free will, the ability to make choices determines the outcome of our lives. Think about it. Have you ever had that one girl or guy, that you loved unconditionally, but you did something to mess it up, and it ruined things. Could she have been your soulmate, but because of the decision you made, it completely shattered the relationship. Then you got another chance at finding another soulmate, could it be possible?. Who makes the rule that a soulmate can only come once in your life? or is suppose to be with you forever, maybe we have short lived soulmates and long lived soulmates.

Anyways the whole point of my post is to tell you to open your heart to possibilities and let love reign man. That's the point of our whole existence, is to recognize when something is good for us and choose it. Life is only as happy as we want it to be and what's life if we don't have someone to spend it with. Stop being afraid of letting someone in, you may have been hurt before, and you may even be hurt again. The truth is if you get hurt now or 10 years later, the effects are pretty much the same. Nobody is ever ready to be hurt, nobody wants to be hurt. So live a little will ya.

What Men need to Know about Women and Vice Versa

Men and Women are completely different, that's the number one thing we need to understand. Men commununicate on a whole different level than women do. Women are communicators, we show how we feel through cues, emotions. While men don't really understand emotions if it's not spoken. Women tend to give ideas about how they are feeling and sometimes leave the guy to figure it out. What we fail to realize is that men don't understand this way of doing things. If something bothers a man he expresses it. So when he asks you what's wrong and you say nothing and he says okay, he really doesn't know what's bothering you, unless you tell him. Women need to realize in order for communucation to flow freely you kinda have to bring yourself down to a mans way of communicating, because he will not figure out what your emotional cues are saying.

During sex there is a hormone that is released called oxytocin, which is also called " the cuddle hormone" it lowers our guard, which makes us more susceptible to falling in love after sex. Testosterone in men reduces the effects of oxytocin. So there you go men. It's not because we want to fall inlove with you, there is a scientific reason why we become more emotional after sex. The hormone enables us to lower our walls and start trusting, That's why we form bonds so much easier. That's why there are so many more single mothers than there are fathers, because during stressful times extrogen in women amplifies the effects of oxytocin which then enables us to feel more empathic than men, So we spring into nurturing mode.While this doesn't happen for men, it makes it easier for them to just leave. When this hormone is released during sex the body can't tell whether or not this is the love of your life or a fling. So that's why you feel crappy after that fling ends abruptly. During sex the main hormone released in men is Dopamine, the pleasure hormone. Which is proven to be addictve, that's why men are more likely to become sex addicts.

 Men are more left brained, which makes them more task oriented, while women process information in both sides of the brain. A lot of the times when a man is trying to speak to us and we are talking and doing something else, they become aggravated, because they don't understand the concept of multitasking. Men do things in a systematic way, one after the other, which would explain why women are better at taking care of the home and doing jobs that require multitasking and men are better at certain things, like programming or Mathematics.

The biggest difference between men and women is that we are  more emotional, which makes us better at communicating and forming bonds. If both species took the time out to learn what makes each other tick. Communication would be greatly improved thus enabling us to understand each other a lot better.

 

BREAKS! I have my Ish together, NO you will not turn my World all Topsy Turvy

Okay I had to write a post about this, have you ever met a fine a** man and he totally threw you off your game, had to catch your breath for a second or two, cause chemistry was just booming, and everything just felt oh so right? then you remember a man that beautiful, only comes with a lot of problems and issues. But you just wish in some alternate reality that he could be that perfect one to rid you of all your bad experiences with all the losers you've been out with. Ofcourse, we all have been there. For a second you allow yourself to be entrapped by him then you freeze for a minute and think, oh no no no you will not come mess with my head and have me singing Tony Braxton's unbreak my heart, oh no honey.

As much as the idea of a beautiful structured man sounds enticing, they come with trouble, almost always players, if he's not a full on player, they have some committment issues, I don't know if it's because they think they're too beautiful to settle down, or that one special girl broke their heart way back when. Whatever. As quickly as you get those feelings, brush them off, wash it off if brushing it off doesn't work.

On the other hand though, allowing yourself to feel that good feeling, isn't such a bad thing. Sometimes you just can't help it, you know he's bad for you, but it just feels so good. Life is about taking risks I guess, besides what kind of stories would you tell when you get old.. It might lead into something magical. But if you're just not ready for your world to be spun out of control leave that man alone and go settle for a nerd, hey they make the best partners, or so I've heard. Don't knock it till you try it.

Women like the chase though, that's why most of us go for the bad boys, because they keep you captivated, with all their drama and issues. Women might say they don't like drama, but deep down you know you do a little, you aint gotta lie. Life would be boring if something didn't stir your world a little every now and then. I think women go for bad boys because they think that's the epitome of masculinity, strong, acts like he has no care about rules, but in all actuality, bad boys put on a facade, they hide behind the luxury cars and the flashy clothes, usually the bigger the facade the more fragile the ego. But that's a whole other topic.










 

The One you Want Never Seems to Want you Back

We have all been through this once or twice, maybe even 3 times in our lives. for the ones who haven't, 2 claps for you, you've managed to spare yourself a major blow to your self esteem. For the ones who have, hang in there sweetie, there is someone out there for you. My motto in life is, if it's meant to be it'll be and if it's not, there's always icecream, chocolate and romantic movies to get you through those sad times and ofcourse that guy who will forever be friendzoned. lol

The best thing to do is to just let it go, I know the heart wants what the heart wants, but it's not worth it. You will spare yourself a ton of embarrassment and kleenex. You don't wanna be his right now and you shouldn't settle for being his right now, even if he's really cute. Which makes it even harder. You just have to keep yourself busy inorder to not think about him, go out, clean your house, throw yourself into your work. Do whatever it takes to get him out of your head. Cause I can almost gaurantee he aint thinking bout you.


Do not chase him. Don't text him, don't call him, exercise self control. If anybody is going to do those things let it be him. Now I'm not saying you should never call or never text, but especially if you just met him, you have to make him realize he's not the center of your universe. You show just enough interest to keep it going. Show him you don't need him, let him realize he needs you and if he doesn't, kick rocks...deuces! on to the next one. Someone better might show up. You never know.

Now this might sound like a game, but isn't life a game? depending on how you play your cards, you could get burned or you could win. Everything has an art to it, you just have to learn how to master that art. How to keep him coming back to you. Men like a self assured woman, you show him you have a life outside of him, and if you don't talk to him for a day or two, oxygen keeps flowing through your lungs.

But I know you think to yourself, why does this always happen to me, but it happens to everyone, knowing that makes you feel a little bit better about yourself. Life is a funny thing and love is almost always unexpected, thats what makes it so freaking amazing. Your love will show up soon, just stop thinking about it and before you know it, poof! unconditional love. Yeah right lol no I mean it.