Are we too old to Still Get butterflies?

Have you ever thought this to yourself? I realize of lately this question has been popping up a lot, can we still get that feeling of our knees getting weak and that knot in our stomachs, because of a man, or was it just a highschool thing? were we just too young and innocent and pure and believed that no man would ever hurt us, so we had no reservations, so we opened our hearts freely. I think we have become far more experienced and we know exactly what we want and what we don't want. Before we let ourselves get too intrigued by someone, we feel them out first, we see what kind of person they are before we allow ourselves to let go and let love.

If I don't get butterflies with someone right away, does it mean that it won't come later, or what if I do get butterflies with someone right away, does it mean that it will last? I have asked myself these questions a number of times. From my perspective, I think we don't always realize the people we are suppose to spend our lives with right when we meet them, some things are gradual, while some things just happen. I've seen marriages that have lasted for years, but one or both of the partners never thought they would have been together, because the butterflies weren't there right off the bat, but they eventually came as they grew to love and accept eachother.

Everyone has their own definition of how they think things should be, I know for some women if they don't get that sweep me off my feet type thing, then they think it isn't real. Does it mean that you will be settling if you marry someone who didn't give you that right away? Remember highschool when we allowed ourselves to be totally enamoured by a guy/girl, your emotions clouded your judgement, you probably put up with a lot of crap, because you were just so taken by the person, your judgement was off and you were blinded by your own affections or by something else. As we mature we become much more senstitive to love, we don't give our hearts up that freely, maybe that's why we don't get butterflies anymore, or maybe we just havn't found that special one.

For all who believe that butterflies from the get go is what will make a long lasting and healthy relationship, I say more power to you and for those who believe that it takes time, and eventually your butterflies will show up, then more power to you also. to each his own. Some things happen for people this way and some things happen for people another way, you just have to figure out which way you want to go with.

Date Someone who Understands you

This is extremely hard to find. Sometimes it takes years and a lot of dates. One of the key components to finding this type of person is confidence and trusting your gut, you may second guess yourself and over analyze. We all go through this phase in our lives, while you may be confident, failed relationships and sucky dates can make you a bit cynical and hopeless. It's not the end of the world and sometimes you have to go on a million dates before you find the one.

You should always be confident in your approach, it influences how you come off to people. Always trust your intuition it was given to us for a reason, if you think someone isn't right for you, let go of it and move on. I know letting go is not the easiest thing, and something in us called curiosity drives us to want to see if it could work out. If you see things in someone that you would not want in the long haul let it go. Let go of the dead end relationships that only bring you comfort in the now, but has no future.

The problem we face is that we think we are going to find our prince charming  right off the bat, granted some people do, but as we say back home puss and dog nuh have di same luck  meaning maybe this worked for her but it doesn't mean it will work for you. That's just how it is. When you meet someone you should not have to feel like you need to be someone different to make them happy, anybody who deserves to be in your life should accept you flaws and all. They should be man enough or woman enough to handle all your baggage, truth is we all come into relationships with some baggage, some just come with carry ons and others have massive pulleys, if he can't handle it, then honey he is not the one who was meant to love you. It's a harsh reality but we all have to face it.

Sometimes we just don't click with people, you may go out on dates, but didn't call this guy back because he was too nice, or didn't give this girl a call back because there was no chemistry and vice versa. When you're looking for your match sometimes we have to make harsh decisions, do you want to string someone along or waste someone's time, I'm sure you don't and I'm sure you wouldn't want anyone wasting your time. Always try to be upfront and honest, sometimes making decisions in dating isn't easy, but nobody wants to settle for just good enough. Put your focus on men/women that are interested in you and leave the ones who aren't alone. Not everyone will like you and you won't like everyone. Not because you're rejected or your feelings are hurt means you should completely shut down and give up.

Stop blaming the city you live in and look within yourself, maybe why you have been unlucky in love is because of you, maybe you have things you need to fix. Sometimes the problem lies within us, why we end up in toxic relationships and unhealthy dates. Take a step back and figure out what it is that you are doing wrong, or what it is that you are giving off that attracts the same type of men or women.Get help figuring it out if you need to,  realizing we need help sometimes is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength, if you're anything like me, it takes a lot to admit when you need help. Just remember the love of your life won't find you sitting on your couch, you have to put yourself out there.

 You will find someone who understands you, you will realize all those other horrible relationships and bad dates were just practice, so you could understand what real love feels like. You want to find a best friend as well as a lover. Someone who gets you, someone who will never judge you and who will be there for you in your ups and downs.  Someone who understands that you are human and won't try to change you. Just be patient❤

Why do we Hurt the People We Care About

Why do we hurt the ones we care about? Sometimes we're just having a bad day, sometimes we can't explain it. Nobody really ever intentionally wants to hurt someone they care about, but the reality is that it happens and if you're human it makes you feel like crap. One of the biggest blessings in this life is to find someone who understands your ups and downs, because we all have them. While that is no excuse, we aren't perfect and we make mistakes, sometimes some we can't come back from.

We are human and we weren't made perfectly for someone else, it takes hard work, a lot of hard work and dedication, but that's what you do when you care for someone. Often times we tend to see the bad in people  forgetting all the good that's there. I cant emphasize enough, that there are bad people that do bad things and good people that do bad and stupid things. We might not think something we say or do will hurt someone, because maybe it wouldn't hurt you, so you think they won't be hurt by it. The thing to remember is, we are all different, and we all deal with hurt and forgiveness differently, there just needs to be understanding.

Sometimes it's good to take a step back and let the person be hurt and deal with it in their own way instead of trying to fix it right then, then getting mad when they cant just snap out of it. This is something I need to work on and I'm sure many others have this problem. Usually men are fixers and women are listeners, in this case i'm a fixer, because I feel so deeply for people, if I hurt them I want to fix it right away, because I hate seeing people hurt, but what I've realized is sometimes people need time. They won't get over it when you want them to, but they will in their own time. Why we say things sometimes we don't mean, is beyond me, it could be some underlying issue that we don't realize is there. It is never fun when you hurt someone you truly care about and it is never fun getting hurt.

I think sometimes we hurt the people we care about, because they are the ones closest to us and somewhere in our subconscious we think because they care for us, we can lash out on them and they will forgive us. That's not fair for anyone, and is extremely toxic, the sooner you recognize it, the sooner you can fix it. People aren't perfect and we will never be, we are all on a path to recovery and growth. If you ever feel angry write out all your feelings on a piece of paper, just let it all out, it's way better than hurting someone you care for. Words do hurt also.

Sometimes we just have ups and downs, it's apart of life, we take the bad with the good. We all have days when something that wouldn't usually affect us, affects us and we say and do things that we would never usually do. We have different parts to every relationship, different phases, the attraction phase, the getting to know you phase, the first I love you phase and the first real hurt phase, either it will make you or break you, how you handle this will determine where your relationship will go. Show me a relatonship that hasn't experienced some form of hurt and i'll show you two people that don't really care for each other, the one you care about, words and actions carries the most weight.

 

Signs You're Falling In Love

You get butterflies- you know that funny feeling you get in the pit of your stomach everytime you're around that special someone. If the phone rings and it's him or you get a text message and its him, your heart and stomach does back flips. Sure sign you are headed down the love road my dear. It's perfectly normal, everybody feels this at some point in their life, it's a great feeling.

You get nervous- which could attribute to why you have butterflies in your stomach, only certain people can make you nervous, someone who intimidates you or someone you're falling for. You probably stumble over your words a little, can't seem to catch your breath, you overanalyze because you don't wanna leave a bad impression.

You want to be around him all the time-  this doesn't mean you should be clingy, you may wanna be around him all the time, but the understanding that everyone needs their own space every now and then is a must. But if being around that person makes you feel at peace and at home, you're probably falling or you've already fallen in love with them, the next step is for you to admit it to yourself. Remember love has no timing, it just happens.

The surge of feelings- Have you ever gotten that overwhelming feeling, where you find yourself so happy, I mean extraordinarily happy, like you could conquer the world and it's all because of one person. You may feel a bit out of control even, like you wanna shout i'm in love with you from the mountain tops.

Catch yourself smiling when you look at her- Does her smile make you smile? do you find yourself just staring at his face, without even realizing that you're doing it. Does it make you happy to know that she is able to make you happy, by just looking at her. When just looking at someone makes you happy, that's being in love.

You've pictured what your kids would look like- you're so in love.

You see a future with him- you find yourself dreaming about what a future would be like with him, the white picket fence, the dream house, the whole enchilada.

You start sacrificing- Find yourself making sacrifices? like not going shopping because you would rather be cuddled up with him on the couch, if you're anything like me, that's a sacrifice. Handing her the remote control or giving her your jacket when it's cold out. Surefire way to realize you're smittened.




 

Why you Might be Having Trouble Getting Over him

No closure- This may possibly be one of the biggest reasons why getting over him is not so easy to do. You might have been the one to break if off with him. But if you felt as if you weren't given the opportunity to express how you felt, it can leave you feeling a bit cheated. Closure is especially important to women, maybe because we analyze everything. A part of being grown up and mature about a break up or separation, whatever kind it may be, is for each party to give the other the opportunity to put everything out on the table and discuss what each person is feeling. The key is to always be honest and to remember that he won't be your last love. I know sometimes we think because we were so in love with that person, that you can't have that again or something even better, you will be loved again and you will love again. You and your ex didn't work out for a reason, maybe it's because something better is out there for you.

The memories- It's hard to get someone out of your head who you cared about, but sitting around and thinking about them 24/7 will not help you to get over them. I know it's hard to shut your mind off, But you have control over your thoughts. Clear your mind, though it's not the worst thing to think about some of the good memories that you once shared, you have to learn to not dwell on them. Picturing him showing up at your door, or calling you and confessing his undying love for you will only keep you in a funk when it doesn't happen. If you know it's over, close the chapter and place it behind you.

Rejecting potential dates- Having a rebound relationship is not the best idea, you know when you are ready to get up and start dating again. Don't reject other men that could really be interested in you though. If the grieving period is longer than the actual relationship, something is wrong and you need to evaluate your issues. Take the time to get back up on your feet and give that guy a chance when the time is right. Don't date just as a pass time, do it beacuse you're ready to.

Keeping  yourself in a rut- The slobbing around the house, ignoring your friends calls and pleas to go out, months after you've broken up, will get you knowhere. You have to get out and find activities to do, keep yourself busy. Make new friends, hang out with your old friends. Find new and interesting things, do the things you loved, but neglected when you were with your ex. Get out and live your life. Listening to Adele's someone like you, will only make you think about him, listen to cheerful music, music that makes you wanna get up and dance and forget about your problems for a while.

Holding on to his stuff-  It can be hard letting go of his stuff that once held sentimental value and more than likely still do, but there comes a point when we have to let go. Sometimes we have to just delete the text messages, erase the numbers and move on. You need to get rid of his stuff, let go of the things that keep you tied to him. A part of moving on is letting go.

Talking about him- Constantly talking about him, I know it's hard to control, but you know when you're not completely over someone is when you constantly talk about them. It's a hard pill to swallow, because we so often try to convince ourselves and everyone around us that we're over it and he doesn't phase you anymore, but deep down you know he still does. The mind is a powerful thing, but you have to learn how to control it, you can't let it control you. We don't realize how much power we have in the ability to restrain ourselves from doing something we want not to do.

 

7 Things that Drive me Crazy about Men

1. Not putting the toilet seat down, need I say more. Have you ever woken up at 3 in the morning with all the lights off and expecting to have the toilet seat down, so you sit and wham straight in you fall. I mean there isn't a rule that says you have to put the toilet seat down, but it's common courtesy, the gentleman thing to do, unfortunately we have a small percentage of those left.

 2. Selective Texting- Men reply to texts they want to reply to. If you send a text wanting to discuss something they don't want to, they ignore it or they change the subject. When the tables are reversed though they get pissed off if you do this to them. Usually women are pretty good about replying to texts, especially if we like the person. I absolutely hate when my texts go ignored, then you hear some lame ass excuse like, oh snap, I didn't see this message and you're left thinking, you and your phone are siamese twins, how did you not see my text. You aint got to lie Craig, you aint got to lie.

3. Predictability- I really like spontaneity, if you call me everyday, text me everyday, I'm expecting it. I hate being able to expect what you're going to do. I like doing things on a whim, If I call you up and say, hey let's go sky-diving today, I want you to drop everything and go skydiving with me. It might be a little impulsive, but we all need to be a little impuslive every now and then.

4. Indecision- Can't take a man that's indecisive, leave that to me and I can be pretty decisive when I want to be. If we have to go back and forth about what you want to do, makes me wanna pull my hair out ( a bit dramatic, but it brings my point across). I like when a man is manly and takes charge. Don't leave it up to me to decide everything.

5. Not Passionate Enough- Passion is everything for me, A shy guy won't ever work for me. Granted I'm usually shy at the beggining when I meet someone, I don't know why, but I am until I get comfortable enough with you to open up.  Passion gives relationships excitement and jazz, lift me in the middle of the dance floor and kiss me, twirl me, dazzle me. I like someone that can open up to me, tell me all your deepest, darkest secrets, I wanna know everything you're feeling. Sweep me off my feet, knock my socks off, not too many people can do this, but if you manage to, I'm like icecream in your hands baby.

6. Jealousy- I'm an air sign, I don't know to what extent all that horoscope crap is true, but I can say, I absolutely love my freedom. One sure way to lose me, is if you smother me, instead of giving in, I lash out. This is probably one of my biggest pet peeves. If you get mad when I have to look at the guy at the fast food place to pay for my meal. It won't work. I mean a little jealousy can be cute, everybody gets jealous, if you didn't, you wouldn't be human, but extreme jealousy is unhealthy and a big problem, nobody should have to put up with it. It's not because he loves you and cares about you too much it's because he's insecure.

7. Lack of Ambition and Intelligence-  Having someone I can have an intellectual conversation with, is stimulating for me, If I can talk to you for hours on end, without getting bored, that's a sure way  to keep me interested. I get bored extremly easily, and I get over things easily. If you can keep me entertained and intrigued, You got me. Have you ever asked a guy what he wanted to do with his life, at say the age of 30 and he tells you he doesn't really know.Yeah, that's a major turn off for me, at that age you should atleast have an idea about what you want to do. I mean your 20's are your figuring out what you wanna do years, 30's are the years when you're establishing a career and your 40's are when you pay for everybody's drinks. If I'm working my ass off, I don't expect you to not be doing the same. No bueno




 

You Can't Stop Thinking about him: As soon as you do he Calls or Texts

You re-play the last time you saw each other in your mind, you think about the things you said, the way you felt. You wake up with him on your mind. You go to sleep with him on your mind.

You stalk his facebook page, don't act like you don't, you know you do, besides all women stalk to some degree.

Every song you hear reminds you of him, you know it's way too soon to be having these kind of feelings for him, but you can't help it. This is where it gets dangerous, you're bordering on obsession, especially if you already had sex with him, if you were obsessing over him before, sex only makes it worse. ooo you're in trouble. That's why you should always wait to see where you stand with someone before sex comes into the picture.

You talk about him non-stop, your friends are sick and tired to death of hearing about him, but you can't stop.

You imagine him laying in bed beside you. A few times a day you think about what he's doing and where he's at, who he might be with, if he thinks about you at all. You wish he would call you or text you.

Either you're in love or some extreme lust, this can make you feel out of control and crazy. You should never let this feeling make you act like a crazy person. I know this can make a perfectly logical person act like someone who should be locked away in an insane asylum.

You should take a step back and slap yourself back into shape. The reason why we crave companionship, is because it is the most natural thing to us, nothing else feels more natural. Now fatal attraction ish, is not cute.

Finding yourself feeling confused, one minute you think he wants you, the next you're not sure, so you become scared that he'll break it off with you, so you break it off with him. Realizing that wasn't what you really wanted to do. Then you keep thinking about him over and over again, wondering if you made the right decision, a part of you thinks you did and a part of you thinks you should have just chilled out. If you felt that was what you needed to do, you probably made the right decision.

The moment though, you find yourself in a good place and you've moved on and the thoughts of him become less and less until he merely exists deep down in your memories. He sends a  text message or calls you and throws you right back into that place you were. you sit there just staring at your phone wondering whether to jump with joy or ignore it. 99% of the time we don't ignore it. Cause we're women and that's what we do. It's ok.


 

Ending a Relationship because you don't want to Fall In Love. Stupid or Smart?

The one reason that explains ending a relationship because you don't want to fall in love is the fear that when we fall we won't be caught. Is that such a bad thing, or do we just need to get over the fear and let things happen naturally. Letting it happen would mean we wouldn't be in control anymore, control is a big thing for a lot of people, the fear of letting your walls down and trusting someone may be the hardest thing to do.

On one hand, you could have the most chemistry, the most passion and intensity you may have ever had with one person, but then you see those a-hole qualities in them, that same a-hole that you always choose. You realize you pick the same type of guy over and over again and it never ends well. You know you would probably fall in love and things would become confusing and tangled, so you decide to make the decision to end it before it gets to that point. Now that I can't say is dumb. Now on the other hand, you meet someone, they do all the right things, say all the right things, chemistry is great and you could absolutely see a future with this person, but you become fearful that you'll get hurt so you break it off. Now that I will say is dumb. Letting something go because you fear being hurt, when you know they would be good for you, is a fear we need to let go of.

It's really good to have high standards for who you want to have a relationship with, holding out for the right one can be pretty refreshing and empowering. Letting go of something I think is unhealthy has never been a problem for me, I have always been logical enough to know when it's time to let go of something that won't do me any good in the future, I'm not an ice queen, but I also know my worth. Everyone should  learn how  to separate emotions and logic. Break it off and don't look back.

The fear of losing yourself in a relationship can be a big deterrent from wanting to fall in love with someone, because maybe you have a habit of making it all about your partner. You become so entangled in them you forget who you are and your whole purpose because you've put so much time and effort into making them happy, you forget about yourself. So the next person that comes along you're so scared you'll forget your happiness you completely reject the notion of even entering into anything with them. There is a difference between being afraid of falling in love and not being ready. Always trust your instincts.

When You're Dreaming with a Broken Heart

I thought about what I wanted to write about in my next post and I had no idea, I usually draw inspiration from things around me, not necessarily what I'm going through or what people around me are going through, it could be a tv show or a movie. The inspiration for this post came when I was on the bus going into work this morning, and I was listening to music, and the John Mayer song came on, Dreaming with a broken heart and it peaked something in me. Sometimes the smallest thing triggers something in me to start writing. Anyways enough of my babbling. I wanted to talk about what happens when a relationship doesn't go the way you want it to, whether it was a fling you were hoping would turn into something, or a relationship you hoped would lead to marriage or whatever the circumstances may be.

One of the things you must absolutely remember is that life goes on, You'll feel down for a bit, but eventually you'll be back to your lovely self and up to take on the world again. But until then allow yourself to be sad, it's a healing process and there is never a time limit on it, everyone gets through things in their own time and at their own pace, so never let anyone push you to be over something you're not ready to be over with.

You're probably waiting by the phone to see if you get a text or a phone call from him and every time your phone goes off, you hope it's him. But you get disappointed when you look and it's not. You tell yourself to stop thinking about him, but that only makes you think about him even more. You wish there was something you did differently, or something you could have said differently. You find yourself thinking about him even when you don't realize that you are, you wish he could feel the way you feel, or even know just exactly how you feel, you wish he would fight for you, the way you would fight for him, you wish  you could mean as much to him as he does to you. But then you realize you're just dreaming and wishing, so you try to snap out of it, because you realize you don't mean as much to him and he doesn't feel how you feel. A part of heart break and failed relationships is gaining experience, it gives you an idea of what you want and what you don't want. So we can identify what the best thing for us is.

One of my most favourite lines have become, "You haven't experienced the best parts of your life yet" Which is so true. Future thoughts about what could be and finding the love of your life brings you happiness in so many ways, it's hope that keeps us going, and the willingness to fall inlove again is what keeps us alive.

I saw a quote the other day, it went something like this; "What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be" We often think because someone somewhere said this is how it's supposed to be, this is how they've always done it. Means it's the way it's suppose to be done. Write your own vows. Heartbreak should never be a hindrance, but an enlightenment, we should be able to draw some wisdom from it, after all it's only a part of life. If something doesn't work out we shouldn't completely shut our emotions off, but accept it, and move on. Don't be disheartened, heart break happens to the best of us. Remember it will only be a matter of time before you find the good in goodbye. smooches!

 

The Rules of Dating

                                               

Let me start off by saying I hate rules, as a rebellious soul, it only comes naturally to me, to try my best to bend, twist and break them, but I do follow them from time to time as much as I don't want to. The rules of dating kinda irks my nerves though. Why  are there these unwritten rules that you think you have to follow in order to establish a meaningful relationship?

One of the things I hate, is the whole you can't be your true self thing on dates, granted, holding back doesn't really qualify as not being yourself, you don't wanna be telling him in-depth information about your ex's or past screw ups, first impressions do stick.You can't really say exactly how you feel, or you may feel like you can't, because you're scared he will think you're a nut or you get obsessed easily. Now everything has a limit to it. If you come on too strong, I will admit, it can be a bit of a turn off. For me, I hate when a man is way too complimentary, like telling me I'm pretty one too many times, kinda makes me wanna scream, it comes off as unauthentic. Now I hate when a guy doesn't give enough compliments, tell me I look beautiful when I do. But don't overdo it.

The when to call rule after the first date. Who cares if you call 3 days later or 2 hours later, if you know you both had a good time, why does it matter? Generally the girl wants to wait until the guy calls or texts, I think we've come far enough from the era when women allowed men to be the first at everything. I don't think it really matters who makes the first move. I actually think men like when a woman makes the first move. Show him whose boss.

Wondering if he or she likes you, the ever tormenting thought. As much as we try not to think about this, we do and we overanalyze everything, did he mean this, did she mean this when she said that. Just take it for what it is or you can always just ask. Some people aren't very verbal so sometimes even though they might treat you like they like you, you never really know because they don't say it. My love languages are words of affirmation, quality time and acts of service, I don't wanna just be shown, I wanna be told also. I can imagine that's what most people want, though everyone's love language differs.

The limbo phase- not knowing where the relationship is going, you both didn't really come out and say you want a relationship, but things are going really well. You think he's your boyfriend, she thinks she's your girlfriend, but nobody wants to come out and say it, because you don't want that whole awkwardness, so you feel like you're stuck in limbo. On the border of girlfriend and boyfriend but not quite in the loop. Again just don't be afraid to ask, if it doesn't go how you want it to, it was just not meant to be.

When to introduce to friends, There isn't really a time limit on this, If it feels right just do it. It doesn't have to be a big thing, it can be in a casual setting, a casual meet up. You don't have to haul out the trumpets and throw roses at the ground.

If he doesn't reply to a text within a certain time you deem to be acceptable, do not send him 50 texts after that, that'll make you look insane. Sometimes things come up, don't jump to conclusions. Always give the benefit of the doubt and just let it go, innocent until proven guilty.

If he says he will call you back later and he doesn't-women think later means, later on today, now for men later doesn't necessarily mean the same day. Men don't really put a time frame on this, their later could mean tomorrow or the next day. On the other hand you could also just be number 10 on his list. Don't sweat it, if he doesn't call, he's missing out, because you know you're a good catch, you don't need a phone call to validate that.
 

The Things Players Say and Do

The I'm not a player line- Usually this means , I'm a player. The fact that you have to tell me you're not a player, means that you are one. He thinks you are thinking that he is one, so he tries to convince you that he's not, because for one, even if a woman thinks a man is a player, him coming out and admitting to it, would be a complete no go, he knows you won't give him a chance. So he tells you he isn't and for women, even if we know it, you not saying it, makes a difference. Then again on the other hand, some men are actually upfront about this, but women still go in heart first.

I'm not ready for anything serious- This means if I make you feel like Mrs Universe and we happen to have sex, and you catch feelings, and want a committment, I told you from the start that I didn't want a relationship. This is a get out of jail free card. He might treat you like you're in a relationship, but when it comes on to making a real committment, he will remind you of just this. Men know women get emotionally attached, so tellng us this, is just a defence mechanism, because they know after sex we get all girly, even if you don't see yourselves with the person forever.  Telling you this gives men the upper hand if you decide to leap into something with them.

I've been busy- I wrote about this one before, but I have to touch on it again, being busy is not an excuse, this just means, you're not that important. You were the flavour of the month last month, but i've moved on to Jessica now. Maybe next month you'll have your turn. Nobody is ever too busy to send a 2 second text, if you got a chance to go to the bathroom, you could send a text. When you like someone, it doesn't matter, you make time. Don't fall for this excuse.

The worldwind romance- He will probably create a routine, calls you every night, texts you everyday, takes you out every other day. The game to this is, he's trying to get you hooked, so that when he doesn't call you the next week, you are already head over heels for him. So he can string you along as long as he wants to. If you want to keep him around, don't be too available.

The I've been hurt before line- Men tell you this to evoke sympathy out of you, even if he doesn't want anything serious with you. He knows telling you this, will get you to form some kind of bond with him, it will get you to feel sorry for him, in turn letting your guard down, because women wanna be rescuers, we are caregivers by nature. I mean some men genuinly have been hurt before, but typically it's all just a game.

If he doesn't wanna take you out- This has no explanation to it really, if he doesn't wanna take you out, dump him and move on.

If he calls late and comes over late- You are a b-o-o-t-y c-a-l-l, spell it with me. That is all you are to him, he probably has his relationship girl he sees during the day, and reserves your time for a Sunday or Wednesday night, when his bay has to work.






 

Is it Possible, Mr Lovable is already In your life?

What if the one you were suppose to spend the rest of your life with, was right infront of you. Maybe the timing just wasn't right, he might have always been in a relationship or you might have always been in a relationship. Then when you were both out of your relationships, you were emotionally unavailable. A number of things could be factored in to why things could never work out, or why you never thought of the perfect one for you as the perfect one for you. It's that meeting the right one at the wrong time thing. Don't you just hate that?

Maybe Mr. perfect for you is in your life, but you just have to pass through a few jerks to realize he's the one for you. Bad relationships help us to realize what a good relationship is suppose to feel like. I'm one for not fighting love or feelings if it feels right, even if it is bad for you. The bad boy only fills the space until the good guy gets to it, right?

I spend a lot of time talking about what women deserve and what men should give to them. But men go through this just like women do. What if Mrs right is already in your life, but you just couldn't see it. There is that pesky bad timing thing, whether it's because you want to be a playa playa or you've been hurt and you just can't get over it bla bla bla. I believe we have several soulmates throughout our lives, depending on the decisions we make or how we treat them, determines the outcome of the relationship.Our free will, the ability to make choices determines the outcome of our lives. Think about it. Have you ever had that one girl or guy, that you loved unconditionally, but you did something to mess it up, and it ruined things. Could she have been your soulmate, but because of the decision you made, it completely shattered the relationship. Then you got another chance at finding another soulmate, could it be possible?. Who makes the rule that a soulmate can only come once in your life? or is suppose to be with you forever, maybe we have short lived soulmates and long lived soulmates.

Anyways the whole point of my post is to tell you to open your heart to possibilities and let love reign man. That's the point of our whole existence, is to recognize when something is good for us and choose it. Life is only as happy as we want it to be and what's life if we don't have someone to spend it with. Stop being afraid of letting someone in, you may have been hurt before, and you may even be hurt again. The truth is if you get hurt now or 10 years later, the effects are pretty much the same. Nobody is ever ready to be hurt, nobody wants to be hurt. So live a little will ya.

What Men need to Know about Women and Vice Versa

Men and Women are completely different, that's the number one thing we need to understand. Men commununicate on a whole different level than women do. Women are communicators, we show how we feel through cues, emotions. While men don't really understand emotions if it's not spoken. Women tend to give ideas about how they are feeling and sometimes leave the guy to figure it out. What we fail to realize is that men don't understand this way of doing things. If something bothers a man he expresses it. So when he asks you what's wrong and you say nothing and he says okay, he really doesn't know what's bothering you, unless you tell him. Women need to realize in order for communucation to flow freely you kinda have to bring yourself down to a mans way of communicating, because he will not figure out what your emotional cues are saying.

During sex there is a hormone that is released called oxytocin, which is also called " the cuddle hormone" it lowers our guard, which makes us more susceptible to falling in love after sex. Testosterone in men reduces the effects of oxytocin. So there you go men. It's not because we want to fall inlove with you, there is a scientific reason why we become more emotional after sex. The hormone enables us to lower our walls and start trusting, That's why we form bonds so much easier. That's why there are so many more single mothers than there are fathers, because during stressful times extrogen in women amplifies the effects of oxytocin which then enables us to feel more empathic than men, So we spring into nurturing mode.While this doesn't happen for men, it makes it easier for them to just leave. When this hormone is released during sex the body can't tell whether or not this is the love of your life or a fling. So that's why you feel crappy after that fling ends abruptly. During sex the main hormone released in men is Dopamine, the pleasure hormone. Which is proven to be addictve, that's why men are more likely to become sex addicts.

 Men are more left brained, which makes them more task oriented, while women process information in both sides of the brain. A lot of the times when a man is trying to speak to us and we are talking and doing something else, they become aggravated, because they don't understand the concept of multitasking. Men do things in a systematic way, one after the other, which would explain why women are better at taking care of the home and doing jobs that require multitasking and men are better at certain things, like programming or Mathematics.

The biggest difference between men and women is that we are  more emotional, which makes us better at communicating and forming bonds. If both species took the time out to learn what makes each other tick. Communication would be greatly improved thus enabling us to understand each other a lot better.

 

BREAKS! I have my Ish together, NO you will not turn my World all Topsy Turvy

Okay I had to write a post about this, have you ever met a fine a** man and he totally threw you off your game, had to catch your breath for a second or two, cause chemistry was just booming, and everything just felt oh so right? then you remember a man that beautiful, only comes with a lot of problems and issues. But you just wish in some alternate reality that he could be that perfect one to rid you of all your bad experiences with all the losers you've been out with. Ofcourse, we all have been there. For a second you allow yourself to be entrapped by him then you freeze for a minute and think, oh no no no you will not come mess with my head and have me singing Tony Braxton's unbreak my heart, oh no honey.

As much as the idea of a beautiful structured man sounds enticing, they come with trouble, almost always players, if he's not a full on player, they have some committment issues, I don't know if it's because they think they're too beautiful to settle down, or that one special girl broke their heart way back when. Whatever. As quickly as you get those feelings, brush them off, wash it off if brushing it off doesn't work.

On the other hand though, allowing yourself to feel that good feeling, isn't such a bad thing. Sometimes you just can't help it, you know he's bad for you, but it just feels so good. Life is about taking risks I guess, besides what kind of stories would you tell when you get old.. It might lead into something magical. But if you're just not ready for your world to be spun out of control leave that man alone and go settle for a nerd, hey they make the best partners, or so I've heard. Don't knock it till you try it.

Women like the chase though, that's why most of us go for the bad boys, because they keep you captivated, with all their drama and issues. Women might say they don't like drama, but deep down you know you do a little, you aint gotta lie. Life would be boring if something didn't stir your world a little every now and then. I think women go for bad boys because they think that's the epitome of masculinity, strong, acts like he has no care about rules, but in all actuality, bad boys put on a facade, they hide behind the luxury cars and the flashy clothes, usually the bigger the facade the more fragile the ego. But that's a whole other topic.










 

The One you Want Never Seems to Want you Back

We have all been through this once or twice, maybe even 3 times in our lives. for the ones who haven't, 2 claps for you, you've managed to spare yourself a major blow to your self esteem. For the ones who have, hang in there sweetie, there is someone out there for you. My motto in life is, if it's meant to be it'll be and if it's not, there's always icecream, chocolate and romantic movies to get you through those sad times and ofcourse that guy who will forever be friendzoned. lol

The best thing to do is to just let it go, I know the heart wants what the heart wants, but it's not worth it. You will spare yourself a ton of embarrassment and kleenex. You don't wanna be his right now and you shouldn't settle for being his right now, even if he's really cute. Which makes it even harder. You just have to keep yourself busy inorder to not think about him, go out, clean your house, throw yourself into your work. Do whatever it takes to get him out of your head. Cause I can almost gaurantee he aint thinking bout you.


Do not chase him. Don't text him, don't call him, exercise self control. If anybody is going to do those things let it be him. Now I'm not saying you should never call or never text, but especially if you just met him, you have to make him realize he's not the center of your universe. You show just enough interest to keep it going. Show him you don't need him, let him realize he needs you and if he doesn't, kick rocks...deuces! on to the next one. Someone better might show up. You never know.

Now this might sound like a game, but isn't life a game? depending on how you play your cards, you could get burned or you could win. Everything has an art to it, you just have to learn how to master that art. How to keep him coming back to you. Men like a self assured woman, you show him you have a life outside of him, and if you don't talk to him for a day or two, oxygen keeps flowing through your lungs.

But I know you think to yourself, why does this always happen to me, but it happens to everyone, knowing that makes you feel a little bit better about yourself. Life is a funny thing and love is almost always unexpected, thats what makes it so freaking amazing. Your love will show up soon, just stop thinking about it and before you know it, poof! unconditional love. Yeah right lol no I mean it.

Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places?

The key word in my headline is "looking" that's the problem. The greatest love stories are the ones that are unexpected (well sometimes). We shouldn't go looking for love, we should let it find us. But on the other hand we are conditioned to go looking for it, everything in our being reads love is to be found, love has to be found. We know the famous phrase; love hurts, but love doesn't hurt, love is pure within itself. People hurt, people lie, people cheat, it is because we love them why we get hurt, but love can't make a decision on it's own.

Do you feel like you can't have a relationship that lasts, and you won't ever find someone cause all men are dogs and all the good ones are taken, blah blah blah. Maybe you're just looking in the wrong places or sometimes the problem lies within you. Maybe somewhere in your subconcious lies the problem to why you pick the same guys everytime ( daddy issues, mommy issues or just issues overall). Never try to find someone to validate who you are, you don't need someone to love you for you to love yourself. Love starts with us.

Sleeping around with a bunch of different people won't give you the validation you need, it will leave you feeling empty and alone. If you keep searching for something that you lack in someone else, you will always end up with a hole inside your heart. You have to be alright with yourself, for you to be alright with anybody else.

Different people have different views on how love will be found, or how a love story should be. But there are no rules when it comes on to love. Can we choose the people we fall inlove with, literally, yes we can, if I don't wanna fall inlove with Paul, I won't. But can we help who we fall inlove with? because if you really like someone, it's hard not to fall inlove. As soon as you start to fall if you don't pull back, nature will do what nature was created to do, like the trees grow if you don't cut them down, the water flows if there is no interference. Love grows if you let it.

I believe if there are unresolved issues in your past relationships, or life, they will definately affect your future relationships. Getting over issues from your past is never easy.The suggestion I would give to someone, would be to resolve your issues before you get involved with someone else, because it will probably ruin a good thing. I know being alone sucks, but being alone is way better than being in something unhealthy. Find love & peace within yourself first.










 

Are you Just an Option, While he's a Priority?

You know it's not just a cute saying. Dont make him a priority if you're just an option. Have you ever met a really nice guy and you hit it off, but all of a sudden the texts get less, the calls get less and your're left wondering if you did something wrong, or something happened. So you keep calling him and texting him, trying to show more interest and the more you push is the more he pulls away. You have two options in this scenario, either you keep calling him and keep looking and feeling like a fool, or you leave that man alone. Chances are when you stop chasing, he'll start, then you just kick his butt to the curb like beckham. If you didn't want me then, why do you want me now?

When you're important to a man, he will do anything to talk to you, to see you, to spend time with you, if he is busy he will make time. Doesn't matter. Think back to a time when you gave out your number to a guy you didn't necessarily like, but you were keeping your options open. Did you guys start off texting a bit, talking on the phone a bit, but it still wasn't quite what you were looking for. So you started ignoring his calls or texts or taking hours to reply, and he just kept on pushing and the more he pushed the more you got turned off. Now think about that guy you really liked and he started ignoring your texts and your calls, do you see how this works, women are not so different from men. We do some of the same things, If a guy starts ignoring you, he is probably not interested. Just move on, plenty of fish in the sea, grab a boat and sail on.

Men are pretty simple individuals, sometimes we find them hard to understand because we don't listen and observe, either the signs or what comes out of their mouth. Usually when a man tells you he doesn't want a relationship, it usually means you're just not that special one. If you were, he would just let it happen. It's hard to accept that, because you start questioning if something is wrong with you. But there is nothing wrong with you, sometimes we just aren't meant to be with the people we think we should be with. The worst thing you can do when a man tells you he doesn't want a relationship, is to push him, or try to change his mind. When he says he doesn't want a relationship, if he has never been clear about anything, trust me he is clear on that, it's what he means.If you choose to enter into anything with him, go at your own risk, because 99.9% of the time, you're gonna get hurt sweetheart.

You have to come with some mystery, don't let it all hang out on the first date. Be an enigma to him, Let him know just enough to keep him interested, but there is still something there to figure out. Men love a challenge, Humans overall love a challenge. If it's too easy and everything is figured out in a few minutes, there is no mystery left , no suspense, nothing left to keep us intrigued.You know what they say if a man wants you, nothing can keep him away, if he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. So don't be that annoying girl who can't get a clue, it's usually pretty clear if a man isn't interested in you. I even rhymed a little, would you look at that.

 

Gentlemen, Nowadays? Rare Commodity

I think the men of this generation lack so many good genuine qualities We rarely have gentlemen nowadays and it's sad. I don't know if women are making it too easy for them or if they just aren't being raised with the values and morals that once was taught. Have you ever met a guy and the first time he's asking you to come over to his house( like no negro, I don't want to come over to your house), instead of asking you out on a date, I know atleast a few women have experienced this mess in their lifetime. The one thing I know is when a guy asks you over to his house, majority if not all the time, he is hoping sex happens, unless he is a gentleman, which leads back to my title, rare commodity. 

Men say women complain and we nag blah blah blah, have you ever thought, maybe you just weren't doing things right, maybe you're the problem, it is a possibility. Men like to do what they want to do, like watching tv all day with a pile of dirty dishes sitting infront of them or clothes everywhere and when we refuse to clean it up, and tell them to get up off their lazy rumps and do it. they say we're nagging. Learn to differentiate nagging and tired of picking up after ur slobby butt. Relationships need to be 50/50, there should never be I give a little you give a lot.

I don't know why women settle for this type of treatment, the one trait you should never have to compromise on when it comes on to a guy, is him being a gentleman. Maybe if we stopped settling for just going over to his house, or chilling at his friends house on a first date,then they would put in work. Men need to be taught that you're special and if they want to be in your company, they need to ask you out on a real date and court you like you're supposed be courted. Put your foot down ladies and stop settling for these half assed excuses for men. If a man wants you, he needs to work for you. I understand the heart can lead you to do strange things, but start leading with your head, if your head is telling you something is not right, go with it, and stop making excuses for these men.

 

Respect yourselves enough to stand up for what you think is right, and for what you know you deserve, a man will do so much to you, if you let him. Stop falling for the tired ass excuses and retire him. If you don't value yourselves enough to not be mistreated, how is any man gonna respect you. If he thinks you will put up with anything, he will keep doing anything, expecting you to be cool with it, because you stay. I say I don't have to be with you to forgive you. I can forgive you from a distance, don't need to be with you to prove that I do. Stop making it so easy for these men and take back your pride and your respect, any guy who wants to court you, needs to respect the fact that you won't settle for the norm, BECAUSE YOU ARE EXTRAORDINARY HUNNY! say it with me. You are woman and you are phenomenal. Sometimes I wonder, these men treating women like crap and they have daughters,mothers and sisters you do realize what goes around comes around right, and Karma takes many forms. If at any point you think you are treating a woman any less than how you would want a man to treat your daughter or mother or sister, re-evaluate your personality traits and fix it.

Don't Settle For good Enough Because You're Lonely

 

I feel like so many women do this, I understand that being alone is hard, but is it worth settling down with someone just to not be alone? Take some time out to ask yourself what will make you happy, if the things you have thought about do not correspond with the person you are with, then I think its time for you to move on. Life is too short to be spent with someone you aren't absolutely crazy about. Truth is everybody wants that one person who they would do anything for, that person who they can love unconditionally, without a second of thought as to why you love them so much.

A lot of people think they will never find that special someone, so what ends up happening is that they settle. People say nowadays marriages end so quickly because people don't try as hard to make relationships work. I think there are so many factors that contribute to this, One being women are more independent, in the past women solely relied on men to provide for their needs, so they would put up with anything just to make the relationship work. Women nowadays realize that they don't have to do that, they can provide for themselves just as good if not better than a man can.

Figure out what you want in a relationship and never settle for good enough, if it means being alone then so be it. Stand firm on the things  you just won't compromise on. Take some time out to take care of yourself, fall inlove with yourself, take bubble baths, walks in the park, walk down the street and smile, doesn't matter if people think you're crazy, smile because you love you and you enjoy your own company.

They say opposites attract which I think is true, if you have a bubbly personality or a  hyper personality, find someone who mellows you out and vice versa. If you have a fiery personality find someone who calms you down, nothing worst than a hurricane and a tornado, it will never work. As life takes you on these many journeys and love comes and goes, you will realize the only constant thing is you loving yourself.

Figure out how to be alone, so if you find someone and he isn't good to you, being alone won't be a problem. We often chase after what isn't good for us knowing it isn't good for us, only to come to the conclusion after we have been battered and bruised that this really wasn't good for me. Why we do the things we do will forever be a mystery to me. Why we ignore the things that are good for us and latch on to the things that are not can only be explained by you. We may say we don't know but if you dig into that deep place that causes us to make the decisions we do, there is always a reason, even if it's a dumb one. We just need to learn how to admit it to ourselves.

Say to yourself, I am a smart beautiful woman who deserves to be treated right, and will settle for no less, YOU know what you deserve and let no one tell you any different. Sometimes it's leaving, not staying, where your true strength lies. Let people think what they want of you, at the end of the day, you can look back and say I did what I felt was right, and nobody can take that peace away from you.

Tap into your strength and learn from your mistakes, the key to having a great life is to live each day, in each moment with a smile on your face and a smile in your heart. Find what and who makes you  happy and live in each passing joy. Let go of any anger you may have for anyone and free yourself.

Love yourselves endlessly.